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WOKE UP WONDERING

Shifting in bed, not awake,
So completely asleep
Then suddenly sitting up in bed ….

It is still surreal
Reflective thinking.
Sleep vanished now, and
Yet, tangibly as if still dreaming:

Seeing self, after self
In among pre-dawn clouds,
Lined up, ready for....

Becoming a waking pondering
While fingers rubbing the sleep out of one eye,
Smelling sweaty sheets from the night before

Lost feeling, barely aware, hardly stirred, having had
Rapt reflections startling enough, and powerful
To awaken from sound sleep.
It's dawn in the dream,
a soft-colors real beauty of a dawn

Seeing this while running with someone
Down this dawn's dim wooded path
Looking sideways, I see it's me.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Dreams... writing about them is something I love to do.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I usually wake up WTF happened LOL
Active dream life huh? Me too..
You write about drams differently though. I try to take fragments and weave em into a story.
I like your language and enjoyed this poem.
~~~~~~

I am sorry that your wife is no longer of this earth.
Truly,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

Interesting stuff, dreams...

I had indented the actual dream, from the woken thoughts. The program would not allow the indenting to perservere. When I created the poem on the initial oage, it was indented as I wanted it to be. However when I posted it to the stream, the indented part of the lines disappeared, and became all margin oriented. I enjoy using white space when ever possible. The program does the same thing with a several spaced over words within a line, move the words to be next to the preceding word. Don’t know what to do about it on the program here on Neopoet.

Thank you for your kind comment.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

exactly where your dream ends and the waking world begins, but I think that is part of the charm of this one. Almost as though you are not sure yourself, if you are awake or dreaming. The descriptive way you write about the dawn, gives me visions of many a dawn that I have experienced and I concur; that dawn and the earliest part of the day, is my favorite time. The way that you have arranged the lines into stanzas that are threes and the one fifth, gives it a sense of being told by a person intent on describing a thought of beauty shared with the dreaming self. I like it! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

As others have already said Ray, I also like the spaces between sleep and being fully awake - some very interesting experiences and thoughts often occur.

I liked the subject very much, and your imagery was excellent. My only question is about the first line in the fourth stanza. Do you think something like "Becoming awake and pondering..." would work better since one probably cannot become a pondering? Thanks for sharing this!

Best

Michael Anthony

I should redo that, thanks for the suggestion.

If the indentations had come across in the posting, the dream-state would have been clearer.

Dream state lines that would have been indented...
—S3, L1-2-3
—S4, L1
—S5, L4-5
—S6 all

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment

I hope updating the text formatting functionality is something that will be considered with any site updates. I'll mention this in our next AC meeting.

Best

Michael Anthony

All those zeros and ones of programming are ‘way beyond me...

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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author comment
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