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WITHIN A YAWN

With quill in hand I fell to sleep
and drifted into a new land
where boogums,quarks and memories creep
with past and future both at hand.

I chased a snark down a worm hole
for light years to a distant world
and saw strange ruins, age untold
where helicopter bird wings twirled.

Amid the ruins beings crept
painting poems upon thin air
where it seemed the sad words wept
mourning a past no longer there.

And every time I blinked I saw
family gone beyond this realm
nevermore a breath to draw
no more thoughts below their helm.

I stumbled then on folded space
which sent me into a star's heart
where plasmas swirled in a slow race
like some type of modern art.

Then star collapsed into black hole
taking all the light to see
with a clap as loud as ending's toll
then a quazar expelled me.

For I was now pure energy
a fantastic formless photon's dash
a lightspeed skipping fantasy
hurled back in time to that great flash.

And by that flash within the void
did I see a universe's ghost?
like shadows in a polaroid
of what had been, phantom at most.

I know that I saw all time's line
all there before me, all at once.
Each element in clear define,
a vision made upon the nonce.

That instant when the big bang rang
when time and space had just begun
I saw all answers then...then.......then dang!
I woke up with the rising sun.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love this, just my kind of poem.
Science, blackholes, eternity.

Hate the title, yeah you lost your insight on waking up but the epiphany is still there, you are a different person.

How about "Ephemeral Epiphany"?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

A person who thinks he has nothing to learn from another is a fool and I hope I'm not a fool. Perhaps we have learned different things from one another? To change the title would be to lose the relativistic effect of a great journey spanning all of time being , relatively speaking, completed in the span of a yawn...........stan

author comment

but you still have to fit your head through the door to reach the computer, unless you install it outside under an awning or something [grins]

Yeah, I get your point about the title.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

That's what friends do, help one another become better. Doesn't matter in what areas...............i think the single greatest thing you have made me realize about poetry is that no matter how well one conveys imagery and such it does little good unless a human element is included with which a reader might identify..........stan

author comment

A person who thinks he has nothing to learn from another....
is a fool and I hope I'm not a....

how true Stan
OUT STANDING.... uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

as I stand out too....
oh shit he will fling again
hope u knew...

loved

i once had a 15 acre pasture and at that time I was often out standing in my field lol. And we can always don shit proof shirts. Appreciate your visiting..............stan

author comment

2013 to 2017
u could have sent an sms
stan keep scribbling and keep us all alive
thinking how others could also promote
you scribbler and others too
do include me no more poetry
it's mostly wanky
stan

as well as the usual use for us tired folk, it also has the meaning of 'an opening; open space; chasm'

lol - mm here - it is out in a lot of places to my ear, i did stumble a lot and imo it ruins the effect of what you are depicting.... just me as you know :)

i really like this poem stan, good word usage giving great descriptive, i especially like
'a fantastic formless photon's dash'

enjoyed, and i like the ending
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I'm pleased you liked this. I am aware of some stumbles and intend an edit in a few days. Thanks for coming by and I hope all is well with you...............stan

author comment

In the beginning, I felt like it was reminiscent of Lewis Carroll.

I was afraid it might seem Too much like Alice going down the rabbit hole. But it appears that I may have avoided that. As to the German? part of your comment........I don't know German hence can't reply other than to say thanks for dropping by...........................stan

author comment

Its Gaelic. And its part of my signature.

Shows what I know of foriegn languages. Only non-English language I'm fluent in is Southern lol. Might I suggest you lose the double spacing in your signature?.................stan

author comment

I tried to get rid of the spacing but I couldn't figure out how. I am ALSO fluent in southern, Appalachian, and French.

I fibbed. I used to be semi-fluent in Latin, but that was years ago . Did you accidentally hit "advanced formatting"? that can result in double spacing..............stan

author comment

Shift/Enter instead of just enter.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks. Ill try that.

Loved this piece, you will have to stay off the cheese,
your dreams are becoming wild,
though they kept yours and my attention lol.
Good write there youngin, Yours as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Susan also wishes I'd not cut the cheese lol. Appreciate you dragging your old bones by for a visit ..........stan

author comment

Edited out,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Your love and compassion are palpable.

But stop wasting space on Neopoet talking shit, please.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Edited out
Communication between friends and fellows is always useful, and is supportive in their daily ways, I.T.Howard © 2013

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

my complaint was valid

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Get a grip:-
Where cholesterol comes from..
Most of our cholesterol is made by the liver, but we get some from our diet as well.
Eating too much saturated fat increases cholesterol levels.
This is why it is best to limit the amount of foods we eat that are high in saturated fats such as butter, ghee, hard margarines, lard, fatty meat, dairy fats and any foods made from these. (Such as cheese.)

These are the lower saturated fat Items:-
We also get some of our cholesterol from animal foods such as eggs, liver and kidneys, and seafood such as prawns – most of us don’t need to limit these because they are low in saturated fat. Plant foods (cereals, fruit, vegetables, pulses, nuts and seeds) do not contain cholesterol.
Have a read about cholesterol and its effect on the body, You can though eat shit it does not contain saturated fats, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Am sorry that Jess and I are using up your space a bit..Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

-.- please.

Stan- I was reminded by Carroll's the hunting of the snark.

.

Who would have though his snark would be used by the scientific community ? lol. The hobbits of Tolkien have been used to name an extinct race of small pacific islanders also...............stan

author comment
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