Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Within Green Silent Shadows

Submitted by Race_9togo on Fri, 2010-11-19 00:08

Down within green silent shadows
of forested ravines carved deep
between the windswept sleeping dunes
that lie along the empty shore

Is where my God is found,
revealed deep down where march
of living trees conceals
all tales of modern life,

For the God I know eschews the
brick and mortar mortal men lay
down upon Her earthen flesh to
cover truth with lifeless versions
of their own.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Race_9togo

Sun, 2010-11-21 16:42

Jayne-Chloe

I am smiling. I thought you would like this one.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Sun, 2010-11-21 16:46

Thanks for reading and enjoying.
I believe that all of us need something or another beyond the mundane physical reality of our daily lives, something that takes out out of the ordinary and reminds us of those deeper levels of meaning.
The Indiana Dunes are that, for me.
Thanks again Rosina,

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

scribbler

Sun, 2010-11-21 23:16