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Wise Words (more meter workshop)
"Take care of hands and teeth,
your arse and your two feet."
wise words a man of old
relayed to me one day.
I asked of eyes and ears
and also asked of strength.
He answered, "Nay, just those
I mention defend these"
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I didn't want to rhyme:) This is a silly little poem. Inspired by my short journey into terry pratchet's discworld. (I appreciate his work, but I get bored of it) Years ago I read about 'the Hero' (I think he was called). An old chap who's wise words were to protect your teeth and your bum, what goes in and what comes out:D i just expanded on this philosophy a little over the years:P
Have at it!
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-01-20 10:54
Hello,
It looks like you have done an excellent job with iambic trimeter! At least, I don't see any mistakes. Good title and fun to boot!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Bloodstone
Sat, 2012-01-21 18:47
hey there
Thank you Cat:) I appreciate it. Lol. It makes me chuckle a bit, because it's a thought I've held for so many years. I've been pondering about this workshop since its inception and of all the deep thoughts I've had, this silly little thing shon through.
Cheers
_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2012-01-20 22:49
only one miscan
He replied, "Nay, just those
replied is stressed replied not replied
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-01-21 07:52
I want silly poems
To write meter is an exercise.
If you write a profound poem you get attached to the words.
This is bloody well done.
Kudos.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Bloodstone
Sat, 2012-01-21 19:06
hehehehe
Cheers Jess! My initial thought process was a little too abstract to cope with this 'thing', quite new to me really. But I kept that mantra of simplicity for a few days, influenced by your guidelines.
Do you think it would work if I changed my incorrect 'replied' for 'answered'?
_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2012-01-24 22:48
answered
would work
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sat, 2012-01-21 19:01
hello
I've heard replied spoken both ways so this could be either correct or not according to who reads it lol........stan
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-01-21 21:24
Actually,
The first line is a foot of anapest followed by two feet of trochee with one of them catalectic (but I'm just showing off).
You Bloodstone however, should have risked the second assignment. Iamb is obviously quite easy for you.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
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Bloodstone
Tue, 2012-01-24 02:48
Thanks Wesley
Thanks Wesley
This was the first time I've concentrated on meter, (I have a vague memory of being introduced to meter at school, I apparently ignored that and held tight onto syllables and rhyme:P)
This is truely a new world for me... lots of learning ahead!
now, would you do me a favour and show me that first line, as you see it. I tried to deduce, but I don't see it.
thanks
_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo
author commentwesley snow
Tue, 2012-01-24 11:37
Actually,
I can't. I must of been stoned, because for the life of me, I don't how I read anapest in the first line. Three iambs. See! I told you not to listen to me. I will agree with Mark that "defend" is accented on the second syllable. My original statement also stands that you should be doing the harder exercises. Of course that was also the same time I parsed your poem incorrectly, so remember I told you not to listen to me.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Bloodstone
Wed, 2012-01-25 07:01
lolol :D
Oh, well. If we won them all, who'd we learn from?
Yeah...my mind is trying to defend that stress.. but darn it! I NEED A NEW WORD!! It's amazing how well it sounds in your head, and then.. hehe
I'll see about posting a trochaic, might take a while:P
Cheers
Jimbo
_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo
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