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The Wireless Mouse Limerick
I once had a wireless mouse,
that could never afford a spouse,
for it was tailless and it was armless,
and seldom would walk out of the house.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Jordan
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Comments
raj
Mon, 2016-04-04 14:45
Hi Rula
This one made me laugh and also had a good rhythm of a limerick...best wishes for the contest...you have inspired me to have a go at it..who knows, i just miight...lol..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Mon, 2016-04-04 15:18
Thank you dear Raj
I am happy you like it and even happier to know it gives you some inspiration. Can't wait to read yours. It is absolutely great fun!!!
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author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2016-04-05 17:35
I adore limericks and haiku/senryu above all other forms.
Brevity, compression of meaning is the heart of poetry. I wonder if you intended the poignancy inherent in it which certainly adds another level.
A success all round.
Do you know the nursery rhyme "Three Blind Mice"?
Perhaps that affected my reading of the piece.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Rula
Wed, 2016-04-06 12:26
jess
Appreciate your kind visit. I've read all these nursery rhymes when I was a kid. They sure left something in the subconscious.
I am happy you like it.
Hope all is well.
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author commentraj
Thu, 2016-04-07 13:05
Hi Rula
I thought i would bring to your notice that you need to just split the third line into twp parts to have the expected rhyme sequence of aabba as a limerick is supposed to have and obviously 5 lines. That's what is mentioned in the contest syllabus.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Thu, 2016-04-07 15:07
Thank you raj
for the notice.
F you follow Jonathan's first link (contest's thread) you'd see that Edward Lear
The founder of this form has done an adaptation. He put the two in one. STILL both still perfectly fine though.
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author commentraj
Thu, 2016-04-07 15:22
Oh..ok ..i wasn't aware of
Oh..ok ..i wasn't aware of that...you are much more well read and in the know of things so you must be right...I just shared with you what I read in the contest syllabus so that you dont lose the chance to win for a fine limerick...many a times now when I touch a mouse it makes me smile reminded of your limerick...i hope your next target for a limerick is not a key board...:)
raj (sublime_ocean)