Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

WINTER'S SONG

Just beyond the end of autumn
I hear the winter's call
and he arrives to slay the leaves
which, stubborn, clung through fall.

The land once green and full of life
has now grown cold and sere
and harvest's colors once so rife
no longer are seen here.

As white and silver coat descends
to cover silent land
the air once cool, turns frigid, clear
and quietens all at hand.

Yet in this land grown cold and bleak
a subtle beauty lies
seen only by the few who seek
solitude 'neath cloudless skies.

For here and there for those who look
in sheltered cove, near quiet brook
the brilliant reds of bird and berry
are often seen by those who tarry.

Although life seems to now have fled
from hoary woods that seem near dead
the slower pulse of lives still beat
though stealthy now instead of fleet.

This muted land so chill and bare
is still the home to fox and hare
and running ground to buck and doe
an outdoor stage for jay and crow

Although this season's cold and still
and death is all it seems to bring
if not for winter's silent chill
who'd care if ever there came spring

now I''l try to parse it

JUST be/YOND the /END of/ AUTumn.......4 metered trochaic
i HEAR /the WIN/ter's CALL........trimetered iambic
and HE/ arRIVES/ and SLAYS /the LEAVES.........4metered iambic
which STUB/born CLUNG /through FALL......trimetered iambic

the LAND /once GREEN/ and FULL /of LIFE......4metered iambic
has NOW/ grown COLD /and SERE..........trimetered iambic
and HAR/vest's COL/ors ONCE/ so RIFE........4metered iambic
no LON/ger ARE/ seen HERE.......trimetered iambic

as WHITE/ and SIL/ver CLOAK de/SCENDS trimeter with a hanging foot iambic
to COV/er SI/lent LAND.....trimetered iambic
the AIR/ once COOL/ turns FRIGID/, CLEAR......iambic but unsure what meter is called when a punctuation mark is part of a foot
and QUIET/ens ALL /at HAND.....trimeter iambic

YET in /THIS land /GROWN COLD and BLEAK....have no idea what the heck this is lol
a SUB/tle BEAU/ty LIES.......trimetered iambic
seen ON/ly BY /the FEW /who SEEK...4metered iambic
SOLi/TUDE 'neath /CLOUDless/ SKIES....trimetered with hanging foot trochaic

for HERE/ and THERE/ for THOSE/ who LOOK......4metered iambic
in SHELT/ered COVE,/ near QUI/et BROOK.....same as above
the BRILL/iant REDS/ of BIRD /and BERRY........same again
are OFT/en SEEN /by THOSE /who TARRy.......same again

al/THOUGH/ life SEEMS /to NOW/ have FLED...4metered iambic
from HOAR/y WOODS/ that SEEM/ so DEAD.....same as above
the SLOW/er PULSE/ of LIVES /STILL BEAT........unknown
though STEALTH/y NOW/ inSTEAD/ of FLEET.....4metered iambic

THIS mu/TED land /SO chill/ AND bare .....4metered trochaic
is STILL/ the HOME /to FOX/ and HARE....same as above
and RUNN/ing GROUND /to BUCK and/ DOE....same as above
an OUT/door STAGE/ for JAY /and CROW......a whole stanza maintained!

alTHOUGH/ this SEAS/on's COLD/ and STILL....4metered iambic
and DEATH/ is ALL /it SEEMS /to BRING.....same as above
if NOT/ for WINT/er's SIl/ent CHILL........same as above
WHO'd /CARE if/ EVer/ THERE came /SPRING....pentameter with hanging foot???...trochaic
* ready for everybody to point out parsing errors

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Thanks so much for parsing it out for us. You seemed to have used a few kinds of meter with this piece, although I couldn't tell you which. I did recognice the iambics. You write weel, no matter which, And your poemes are rife with wonderous imagery. I always enjoy your poems.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

When I wrote this I didn't know Iambic from Adam lol. It by accident is mostly iambic with a bit of trochaic thrown in and has a varied meter (as does most human speach). Thank you for taking time to read and comment on this fossil lol........stan

author comment

I think you should parse it yourself to see if you can do it. We have started parse ourself per Jess instructions. The use of all the meter is a great idea, but for other to parse it is a lot of work. So if you could be so kind and check it and post it with the forward slashes and the stresses in bold it would help everyone also include the da DUM, da da DUM. DUM da.or DUM da da. at the bottom of each stanza.
it's a lot to ask, but in the learning venue it is valuble.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I thought I Had parsed this. Guess I left out the feet marks though and will rectify soon. Also will try to put meter count at end of each line. Darn slave drivers lol.............stan

author comment

aren't they, I still have whip marks from the last workshop I was in. LMFAO!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

See if it's better now...............stan

author comment

sorry to pop in what may seem to be a stupid question..but could you enlighten me what is parsing?..

i must say that you have created the winter mood so well...i could sense it and smell it too...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have come to learn that poetry which has rhyme and/or meter can be broken down into syllables which are either stressed or unstressed. the arrangement of these syllables determines what type meter the particular line is written in. also the manner in which stressed and unstressed, or accented and unaccented,syllables is repeated is termed feet. Parsing is an exercise in which one breakes down and displays how the rhythm of a poem should and does sound to the ear. I used capitalization to signify accented syllables and / to separate the feet then attempted to describe which type meter was used at the end of each line. This iambic and trochaic stuff describes the arrangement of these accented syllables and the pentameter, trimeter and such tells how many feet are in each line. The purpose of this meter workshop is to develope the vocabulary for use in describing the type of meter used in a given line. Example One could say :this line begins with an unaccented syllable and then alternates accented and unaccented syllables until the end and also contains 5 accented-unaccented sound groups. Or one can say : this is iambic pentameter. Bet you weren't expecting such a lecture were you? lol. I decided if I was going to use poetry I should learn at least some of the technical vocabulary...................stan PS always feel free to comment on any poems on stream whether posted for a workshop or not

author comment

thank you Stan for taking the time to explain this...i will need to read it over again with a fresh mind to understand it better...

raj (sublime_ocean)

It is easier and I think it reads more easily. And the the terminology for that matter. "4 metered trochaic" is "Trochaic Tetrameter".

Just bey/ond the/ end of/ autumn [trochaic tetrameter]
I hear/ the wint/er's call [Iambic Trimeter]
and he/ arrives/ to slay/ the leaves [Iambic Tetrameter]
which, stubb/orn, clung/ through fall [Iambic Trimeter]

works well.

 

I'll leave the crit to others.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

The difficulty in using your method is in not having had time to read instructions on how to do it.I thought this would work in the rush I was in. And, again the rush led to lack of remembering proper term for TETRAMETER. You'd think a former Latin student would have remembered that! Well..........I'll let it sit as is so more folks will have an equal chance to shake their heads at me lol............stan

author comment

I get angry because not only will it save you time, more importantly it makes it more readable to others.

I've found it's the easiest and clearest by trial and error.

1. Select Advanced Formatting
2. Only then paste in the poem or it loses formatting
3. Go through and select each stressed syllable and hit Ctrl B to make it bold.
4. Then go through and add the '/'s to separate the Feet

To think the pain that comes is felt to learn
To think/ the pain/ that comes/ is felt/ to learn [Iambic Pentameter!]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Later,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

we are going over old poems to critique and see if meter could help or be improved.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

yes the rhyming just ruined it didn't it lol.............stan

author comment

LMFAO!!
I think it's what you do best, for me it's not easy. (as his limited brain space begins to fog with humidity)

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

LMFAO!!
I think it's what you do best, for me it's not easy. (as his limited brain space begins to fog with humidity)

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

me and Doc became so droll
in comments on Winter's Song
that it made the Cruzer roll
and laugh both loud and long.............stan

author comment

just a handful of "maybe's".

"No longer are seen here." Close. Close enough not to pick, but because that's what we're supposed to do I'll say I didn't like "are" being stressed.

"As white and silver cloak descends." This is not catalectic as you suggested. There is no hanging foot. Just four iambs.

Punctuation is essentially ignored for purposes of meter. Hence, "The air/ once cool/ turns fri/gid, clear.

"and quietens all at hand." This is a mess. "Quietens" is a nonce word and not a real good one and you counted the first two syllables in the word as one. "Qui-et" is two syllables. I might have tried "and qui/ets all/ at hand."

"Yet in/ this land/ grown cold/ and bleak." Iambic tetrameter. I think you're just outthinking yourself.

"The bri/lliant reds/ of bird/ and ber/ry. Now this is catalectic. You did the same thing here as with "quiet". Counted two as one. The same in the next line, but that one you scanned correctly, but called it something else.

"The slow/er pulse/ of lives/ still beat." You just need some shuteye.

"This mu/ted land/ so chill/ and bare." To be trochaic you would have to accent "muted" on the second syllable.

The last line is iambic. I think you gave a full syllable to the contraction in "who'd", but I think it's one syllable.

This is still the most consistently metered poem of yours I have read. Be careful. The brainwashing is proceeding apace.

wesley

 

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Appreciate the corrections. As to the brainwashing........well this was written before I even came to Neopoet. Guess I've gotten worse since then lol.............stan

author comment

I even go back and revisit corrections lol.Thought I'd add that it's good to know that paused are ignored in parsing.
Now.....quietens a nonce word.......strange that it appears in Webster's 9th New Collegiate Dictionary........stan

author comment

I would say more, but I gotta hit my dictionary. I love it when they add a word to my repertoire. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I looked it up to be cerain. I apparently use words on occasion that I think are in common usage but aren't......stan

author comment

I just have to let you know I enjoy this poem very much. I love nature poetry, it's one cliche that never dies for me, as nature itself, it is forever being reborn.
Big ups for iamb-ulating almost throughout! Those few places where it varies suit just fine, if you read it without the meter goggles on.
Peace

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

This is second or third poem I ever wrote .Like all others I revisit it once in a while and change a wors or two which also sends it backto top of stream. It always suprises me that I get new comments onsome of this stuff when all I did was edit it lol.As to meter goggles, I seldom wear them, I just try to write what "sounds" right. This shop has taught me WHY things sometimes Don't sound right. Thanks for taking the time to read this oldie............stan

author comment

Breakthrough! I mean in your comment. That's what I've been trying to say to you for a year now. That meter isn't "how" we write, but rather describes why things sound different. But as to the meter goggles, I think Sears has them.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

A year......hmm......but you've only been here a bit over 8 months lol. I guess even this old dog can slowly learn something......................stan

author comment

...it sort of DOES seem like a year. Lol!
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

It seems time is slow while passing but speedy in retrospect lol.Thanks for dropping by.........stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.