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On a Winternoon


In a most, colorful shade of brightness
on a winternoon;
with the shadows hardly bothering, at all;

the air's got a bite
as day ready's for night,

causing mercury levels to fall.


There's this chilliness inside the brightness
on a winternoon;
continuing to persist, to convince;

on a journey, Sol goes
causing shadows to grow,

one can watch Sol retreat, if one squints.


The colors are fading from the brightness
on a winternoon;
the day trades all of it's clouds, for night's stars;

be you with family, or friend
the day's activities end,

animating our windowed restaurants, and bars.


So we slide through the crisp in the brightness
on a winternoon;
and vividly night's canopy gets raised;

time moseys on
soon yielding our next dawn,

and quietly, we'll all start over, unfazed.


Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


Okay, I read this one a little differently. Instead of immediately saying to myself... "you're not supposed to use a comma before and", I instead read the poem using the punctuation to guide me in my momentary pauses. I liked the effect.
"animating our windowed restaurants, (pause and think) and bars."
I'm not sure if this is a finished methodology, but I see ever more clearly what you are experimenting with. It worked in this poem. And the squiggly dashes in between stanzas is a trick I use.
The line breaks are beautiful and the whole thing gave me a spooky sort of feeling over an icy sunset, a cold, cold, night and just another sunrise.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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...oh, snowman delight ! You were able, (chiefly due to your open-ended, irreverent state of mind) and your inclination towards irrelevevent, nonsensically, rhyming catch a minute glimpse into what propels it's exhausting head up, from my page...calling itself poetry, and SAW WHAT I MEANT FOR IT TO BE !
Thanx, for just "that".
extremely sincerely,
your friend in rhyme;

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

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