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Winter Solstice
Tonight I heard a snowflake
In fractal notation
Whisperings of dark winter
And death's final moments
In hushed hibernation
Unaware of his slumber
He is timed to replenish
One two three, one two three
Suspended in stillness
Yet timed to perfection
A new springtime birth
Repeated in verse
Awakened to life
He rejoices in momentum
To all that springs around him
Dew drops in the morn
He is unaware of the slumber
He knows not of its terms
He knows only of the moment
Springtime repeated in verse
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Edit number one :-)
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2014-05-27 22:46
Greetings Sarah
Welcome to the asylum lol. It's a bit late at night to give in depth critique but I Did like this. The imagery was good an the metaphors solid though not over powering............stan
Sarah Elizabeth...
Fri, 2014-05-30 04:43
Thank you :-)
Thank you :-)
I like asylums, so I am sure I will like it here :-)
author commentEduardo Cruz
Wed, 2014-05-28 20:38
Sarah
I like the way you gave spring and winter their universal connection (death and rebirth) both existing in the same moment over and over. The circle of life in the natural scheme of things
Bravo!
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Sarah Elizabeth...
Fri, 2014-05-30 04:46
Thank you Eddie :-)
Thank you Eddie :-)
I am interested in the idea of moment to moment creation - death and rebirth over and over.
Living in the now is difficult at first, within a world that seems to live fixated on things that aren't happening or have passed. It is always possible though to exist again, moment passes, new moment beings :-)
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2014-05-30 15:39
Sarah
When you get a chance read Ecker Tolle He is the authority on living in the now.
We must look at the pass as only a tool, not as a loss. The moment is where we apply the pass as to not make the same mistakes again. It is important not to live there we can not resolve pass problems only those that are happening now. We can not think we can live in the future because the future for us is happen now, in a blink of an eye it is gone all that remains is the experience of it. The future is a blank page as in poetry it will only happen as we create it.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
weirdelf
Fri, 2014-05-30 07:22
Why the same title? I don't think that is a good idea.
Please tell me why before I critique.
cheers,
Jess
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