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Winter Arrives in Upstate

Cup of dark roast java
looking down from window sill
Snow covered roads going uphill
leafless tree is a frost colored white
All the goodwill in this stage of my life
I see the stars to my left eye
It captures the beauty onto the darkened sky
A large print book is what my night will consist
My mind is quiet past the daylight, tonight my heart submits
God has been on my soul , so I let the world know
How to love the precious goals for His child to grow

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Last few words: 
Hope this one hits home! Hope everyone has a great holiday!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Greetings, Anthony,
I believe this is your first piece on Neopoet? First, I hope you and yours are safe if you are in the area of New York receiving this historical, overwhelming snow storm. You are in my thoughts. Your poem is inviting, friendly, and comforting - a real appreciation for a beautiful winter snow scene. When reading your poem, I am looking outside of the window, too, and you have described the nearby roads and trees with nice detail. But I think what is the most peaceful and appealing part of the poem is the dark night sky. So quiet. Your rhyme is nice and tight, and logical. Was it intentional to start with a line that has no partnering rhyme? (Java) Kinda cool idea, actually. You may want to have all the first letters of each line either caps or lower case. A mixture can be a bit disruptive. Precious poetry. I wonder, and this is just me - maybe God is "In" your soul instead of "on" your soul?
Welcome to Neo!
Stay safe!
Lavender

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it! the last part I must have had a word placed there by mistake. thanks for pointing that out. I appreciate the suggestion about the Caps , I will keep that in mind for my next piece. Yes, the weather up here in New York looks promising for heavy snow!

author comment

when it comes to the
capitalization of lines. I prefer the way you did it this time.
I'd say that the ratio of people for and against it is about 50-50.
I have done all caps. at times, when the lines are all statements.
Other times, it only seems right to write it as you would if in school.
So do whatever you like! I would shorten the line that says, "My mind is quiet past the daylight..."
Just go with: [My mind is quiet, tonight my heart submits] you will still get the rhyming sounds
from the previous line. [consist] I am not real keen on the idea of
leaving that line kind of unfinished, [consists of] but most readers will figure it out without much trouble
and let you slide, rather than having you force rhyme it. Pretty good work,
you are showing plenty of promise. ~ Geezer.
.

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