Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Wingéd (Dramatic Verse Workshop)

I came into this world unwinged,
my mother mortal (wretched thing).
My sire roamed the Heavens wide.
When I was born the Angel cried.

My dam had passed when I was born
hence, father offered naught but scorn.
No love he felt for human kind
save mother who left him behind.

The Angels know not where men go
when life is done- not high or low.
Most men feel sure they join the Host
of Seraph, Cherub, Holy Ghost.

That is not true the Angels say
and so they seek the soothfast way.
Leastwise it meant that she was gone
to wait for him somewhere beyond.

For wait she does, this much I know.
It haunts me ‘til the vertigo
reduces me to grief and tears,
while father’s curses interfere.

Base Nephilim is what I am.
A half bred cur and fully damned.
I’m ostracized from Heaven, Hell
and welcome not on Earth as well.

What purpose have I you shall ask.
To intercede in Man kind’s tasks
for good or ill as though the right
was destiny of Heaven’s Light.

Or yet of Hell, I know not which,
but I intrude and thus enrich
the lives of men who know me not
despite I dread to harm their lot.

I bring lost lovers to their sides
or circumvent a war of pride.
Assassination I will wield
to slay a tyrant new revealed.

My arrogance knows naught of bounds.
Its depth, if known, would men astound.
Men kind my play things, yet in truth
I have for them abiding ruthe.

Perhaps it is my loneliness
that’s caused me love them to excess.
I am immortal and therefore
in time I fear to love them more.

But here and now I base abide.
My nature from Men kind I hide
and all the while my spirit sings
in hope someday to earn my wings.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I used no dialect, but the voice is utterly alien to the poet. A single voice reflecting on his lot in life. No story is told, but that doesn't mean we can't use the form to tell one.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think that your story as you have put it can be a starting place for much more, as the one I wrote it is the curtain raiser on the person.
Where he or she goes next is another story or a continuance of this one.
I liked the story so far and that others can join you is great, I will wait for a while then as the scene evolves will decide if it flows well.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

ruthe....
'e'
appears to me as superfluous
maybe its only loved.
the truth
rhymes well with
ruth
loved

You, yes you

You stand there
at the helm of affairs
self appointed king of poets,
nay, critiques,
nay condemner of those
who dare create,
just to over awe them
with your weight,
as at times you mask your guilt,
in disbelief....

Hark! Man step down
now there is born another one,
no clown he,

Death is but a shadow of hallucination
mental contamination
aberration of mind and body
and what you continue to call
as soul...

whereas,
I stand singularly
sound magnetically
in the arena around,
you call the universe
where individually we all traverse...

Who art thou my apparition
out with thee
lest my hands condemn ye
out my ghost, vanish
ere from here,
you I banish...

Yet you send another soul
to confront me,
I shall not name another one
he knows who he is,
afraid to accept,
the coin
in which his birth and death conjoin...

Out with him,
axe his fear
man is born to live
to finally die and perish
in the opera of time
here I come to slew
unless you come forward too

out with you,
you are out of my fleet
cowards I don’t breed.
go, go be gone with the wind,
will ye
else I shall blow you out
like a candle that one may be...

Finally another one approaches
with a firm mind
man you are one of your own kind,
high upon the pedestal of time

you like the statue of Liberty
the freedom
of love, liberty and power combine....

I yield to thee,
how can I not bow to ye

My snow-lord here I come now,
you may sleight
I shall your wisdom await!

My Snow man.....

''''contribution by Loved...''

You should post your poem on The Stream, not here where no one will see it.
Ian, this is all of the story to be told. It is a simple monologue as the workshop has asked everyone to write. It will continue. It stands alone.
Tell me, instead, what you think of my characterization, does the voice stand out by itself or does it seem lost in the poet's voice (which should not appear at all)?
Loved... please "critique" the poem as I want your analysis and not merely your comments.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

As I have said about your work before, it is of the things in Myth or biblical things you have learned of during your years.
You have obviously studied the Bible and other works along those lines but in doing so and writing like this it loses a few of the readers as your knowledge is not so well known as the everyday Myths we are familiar with, saying that it is a good write, though the audience will be limited.
Now to the continuance of the write:-
Our Monologues to me are just the inroads to a story and on mine as with Alid we just see the opening scene of the story.
Would it not be a waste to stop at just the intro, judging from yours and Alid's writes the next scenes and the continuation of the stories would be an enhancement to the workshop, then instead of a one scene play you would have a complete play of say three acts.
I will leave that with you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Three stanzas. Who are you and what have you done with Wesley?

Long time...
What do you mean "three stanzas"? You mean only three or is that all I'm supposed to get or what? I be confused, although I spend great deal of time like that.
I missed you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

It was a good experience to read through the scripture you have made with nuances about his life and his state of mind. This I believe is what forms the Part I-monologue of the WS. I would be interesting to see how you go about the Part II the dramatic sequel to this monologue wherein you have created the personality and back ground of the character. Please do correct me if my perception is wrong.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

It is not a continuation of this piece, but a separate work. I will not continue this.
Ian, Google Nephilim and you will find it a rather common concept. This was inspired by my reading of "Shadowhunters" though my take on the Nephilim is not the traditional one.
I quote... "there were giants in the world in those days." It is a traditional belief those giants were the offspring of Angels and mortals. My "offspring" considers himself damned which is not the traditional take on the concept.
Again, I have too many things I want to write to continue down this road, but rather wanted to produce a clear example of a monologue (soliloquy) for the workshop.
Please note that it had a single voice not my own. It suggested a story while being mostly reflections on the part of the speaker.
I'm anxiously waiting for your entry. Please post it on The Stream and I will critique it there. Don't post on the thread as I want everyone to see it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The word "Nephilim" has cropped up in your writes before and I always look up words that are strange, or new to me, just the question of audience that this word may scare away.
If they do as I do look the words up first, before critiquing.
I am not sure that to use unusual words helps and lets others read smoothly, but I shall have to leave this as an open question..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This is a great monologue Wesley! I don't know how you manage to do it! all in iambic pentameter. ( I think that's right ). I had to look up a few words ( cur and a couple of others ). I know about the biblical Nephilim so didn't have a problem with that ( neither fully human or angel ). - it made sense of the word cur! This is a brilliant example of a soliloquy!

with a completely separate individual speaking - it couldn't be more obvious I.e

Base Nephilim is what I am.
What purpose have I you shall ask. etc.

Stanza's 10 and 12 ( not sure if you meant man kind ).

If ever I write a soliloquy I will use this as an example.

Love Mand xxx

I have always "played" with the term: mankind.
Thank you for your encouragement. My goal was to clearly demonstrate a voice unique from the poet. Not my voice, but another's.
I'm anxious to see you try your hand at it. It gives the poet the opportunity to say things they would not ordinarily say even to the point of expressing thoughts contrary to their own beliefs. Another opinion so to speak.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

It has been so long since I have stopped by here to read, that I forgot you have to click on "read more" to continue. I thought you had written only three stanzas. Silly me. I should have known better. I still remember
the issues we had trying to accommodate your Cantos in my old group....do you?

I miss you too. It's good to see how well you are doing and how perfectly suited you are for this place. Bless your heart.

Until next time,
hugs, my friend.
Sue ps. Don't take any wooden nickels....or bs from the peanut gallery. xoxo

reminds me of your Caco "The Morning Star". I might be unable to recall the protagonist's name now, but thought you've excelled in this as if it were you, Or would I say you were him?

You've excelled as usual sir! You do better teach me how to do this or I don't deserve calling myself your protégé.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

because my play (unlike the soliloquy) uses characters from Caco.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

your character seems to be in tune with their spiritual self, where they are lacking and where they would like to improve, despite a rough start to life. I like the flow and the language, works well together. I am not one for commenting on structure and grammar etc. Everyone knows that is not my strong point so I will stick to offering opinion on the character itself and the story itself :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

As far as the soliloquy goes, this seems to be spot on. I do think you need to be careful with some of the masculine/feminine rhymes. The flow was mostly strong although there were places that I stumbled. I would mention them but i reckon you have already read this aloud and are aware of them or don't want to change them.

Nice work. I enjoyed the read

Scott

and yes... I am aware of them. I have been trying of late to allow my poetry to "relax" from the rigid state it is usually in. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me to look at something that is not strictly formed and let it go, but I think it is important for me to do so. I would like my poetry to become a little more "natural" and the first step is to try to avoid so called "perfection" in my meter and rhyme structure. It's like asking me not to breath, but I think the end result (someday) will be desirable.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.