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The window of the past

The past is like a
stained glass window.
The moment
stands still within
its weakly
wooden pane .
But its beauty
still carries
on through the
thriving thickets of light.
As it
brightly blooms
out a blissful
bluebird sky
swirling within
the intricate
eye of intimacy .

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

not feeling it! I can see what you are going for, but it's just not working. How about if you change it up just a little bit with a couple of line changes and redistribution of the words? I love the idea of looking through a stained-glass window at the sky.

The past is like a
stained glass window
The moment stands still
within the worn frame
But its beauty
still carries on
through the
thriving thickets of light

As it
brightly blooms
a blissful bluebird sky
swirling within
the intricate
eye of intimacy.

~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Gazing down at the rapid raspberry ripples of ravishing red wine
divinely doused in my dying days of darkness .
Subtly swirling me back to those timidly tender times.
Where I once had a wholesome hand to hold
followed with a sweet soft spoken smile smearing my
worrisome mind over with the contented clutches of comfort.
But those days just like a silvery silken line of smoke eventually had to fade away into my new persistently wretched realms of reality .
Where the only comfort is from the knowledge in knowing that
my heart still boldly beats giving me some sort of relief. But then even
that slowly fades away and next thing I’m back in this bitterly blackened bottle
of belittlement .Persistently passing the dismal dimes of time by consciously crumbling down into my crushed up cage of quivering questions that never prance upon the path of an answer. Among these questions lies my cautious surviving comrades; one lieutenant Jeffrey Combs; the charismatic candle carefully kindling his cynical sense of self . Which was most successfully sparked by humanity’s sickening seed subtly sulking with a gradually growing grasp of greed . And the second being the passionately patient Paul Ramsey who just waits.
Simply waiting for the bashful burnout of this eternal flashing flame that only the tides of time can truly tame.
How we got here is the only clarity we’ve consciously captured . We got here because this wildflower of a world decided to irrationally rip its two halves apart and made those halves gradually grow into the harmful hands of hysteria . Leading us to our current worldly conflict, humanity's favorite ghastly game of war. Where instead of letting logic light their way to purposeless prosperity . They decide to indulge men such as I in the draft, making us fight in a war without a cause or a clear point to it all.
We originally in our group had twenty members but after the first wrathful wave of warriors; only three of us remained, this includes Paul Ramsey , Jeffrey Combs and I .
We’re left with our external selves only slightly slashed but with our solemnly sewn sails of innocence eternally torn and tattered .
As we’re shoved into the trampled trench of trembling troubles, constantly counting down the perpetual passage of the passing days.

While lying against my brisk backbone of bitterness I turned my hopeless head towards Jeffery and simply sighed out . “ Well what are our chances of surviving this sickening sea of insanity .” In response his words restlessly rowed back in a snickering reply.“ The answer is really rather obvious, don't you think. survival at this moment is merely a lost cause whose fragile feet feebly flows its withering way into the foreboding blanket of oblivion. So I say the best chance of not being blown away is to stay here . “ In response I gently jolted my judgment onto his undimmed decision .“ And``what would we do if the enemy decides to dive into our domain?”
For just a slight moment his face kept itself encased in the cold uncanny casket called uncertainty. But then he gradually grew out a slanted self contained smile pleasantly planting his selfmade seed of thought. “If it has to come to that then we follow humanity’s law and proclaim it’s every man for himself.
Which means we stick to our limited lines of luck then choose the only two actions available which are to either fight or run.
So now the question is which one do we choose ?”
In response my gaze gradually grew distant as my mind meticulously murmured out an answer. “ Well personally I would be like lord’s ever lasting lashes of lightning and die fighting so I choose to stay.”
Jeffery then turned his head towards the hopeless husk of Paul Ramsey. Whose sullen sleep deprived eyes pitifully pierced the presence of Jeffrey’s gaze . Paul then thrusted us with his appreciated opinion “ well when you look on both sides of each choice the only voice that is coming back is simply saying “ you’re either a prisoner or a deadman .
Either way both sides will always nudge you into the lackluster land of negatives and therefore my decision is to
stay and get it over with .” Jeffery then with a careless crooked grin
evolved his expression into a response . “ Well it seems that the mind of this group has finally fled into clarity.
The decision is final, We will stay here.”
Paul in response wrapped his thunderous thicket of thought into the candid clutches of conversation.
“ Well at least our flames won’t blow out and embark into the darkness alone.” Jeffrey then gifted him with an ingenious gentle gesture patting his slightly misshapen shoulder . Then he hung his bitter banner of buoyancy in the manner of words. “ Yes but another problem pierces my mind as I sit here and that is what happens after we are supposedly no longer tied to the eternal tales of our once lingering lifeline?” Paul in return retorted back with “ At this moment that is hardly the main concern murmuring within my mind but I'm not saying it's not a good question .
It is ,but I'm just saying we will find the answer once we get acquainted with the inevitable . I then climbed my way up towards the surface . Where I was greeted by warfare’s pale platter of death formerly known as no man’s land followed by its foreboding flurries of fog .
The passing hours were spent just watching, waiting for those soldiers to come running towards their turn to bite the bullet.
But that never happened; instead several more hours had passed within the eerie sea of temporary silence . Then , suddenly the sickened silent sea dissolved itself into the valiant viewpoint of violence . When my ears were pierced by a low humming sound hovering overhead. There was no time to wander within the cage of curiosity because immediately after hearing it the earth's surface had started brutally being bludgeoned by a barrage of explosions . Which made my mind’s clutches of contentment bitterly bled into a passionate uproar of mass hysteria . All feelings from before had fled into the weak white paleness of fear as my feet feebly fumbled their way back down to the company of my comrades . Where my words murmured their way towards existence as the form of a warning “it seems that one of our opponents has finally decided to chase the chance towards our termination.” In response Jeffery’s words had swiftly slid themselves into my direction “ Tim would you mind if you just provide us with some clarity upon this situation you have recently endured. “ I answered his request with the clear clean cry of truth,
“ A plane is raining bombs down upon our little ragged rat hole, and because of that I suggest we stay down here cause it currently appears that if we go back up to the surface
we’ll be blown into oblivion .” In response Paul plunged his pondering opinion into our ears . “Jeffery, do you suggest we put our gas masks on ?” In response Jeffery’s words jumped out and answered “ yes just to have a little safety in this world that lacks logic.” All of us answered the question’s call by letting our musky mud molded masks fall over our crestfallen faces .
Minute after minute spent lying in the eerie
ampathetic atmosphere sulking within the solemn sighs of cynicism. The only sound that blasted through the interior our eardrums was the bloodhungry barrage of bombs being rained down around our location . The minutes murmured into hours as our minds were constantly encased within an enigma . Never really knowing if or when our flickering flames of life will be blown out into eternal darkness . My eyes gently lured their way towards the feeble frightened figure of Paul Ramsey . Whose pale panicking palms plaster themselves together as his mouth meekly mumbles out a silent sullen plea . My heart was persistently pounding out an ocean filled with the flashing forlorn fumes of fear wistfully engulfing me within the wilted petals of my withering past. Bellowing me back to those once sweetly sentimental times of serenity . Whose silken touch tenderly tore me down to tears .
Then when the adolescent dust of my past had finally cleared, it reluctantly revealed the plaintive plume of the present day . That's when the realization had finally reached into my head’s hollow husk of thought and brought out the crooked casket called clarity which held in its grasp the troubling tragic truth.
For the dream was gone and ‘twas time to meet a new dawn within the dismally dying depths of damnation. That just like a swirling sigh of smoke slowly spiraled into nothingness. Luring my pleading sulking serenade to be awakened by that madridden mongrel formerly known as the woebegone wrath of war . But before I had the chance to dive further into the reminiscent realms of the past . Reality began bluntly bleeding its passionless point into view. by bitterly bursting its own inner torment into bombardment . The excessive soulless sounds of explosions permanently plastered themselves within our deformed domains of memory . Timediligently dragged itself along as the barrages had by now begun madly marching its way closer towards our troubled trench . Then quite suddenly we were met with the piercing pacific sounds of silence . Providing us with a sympathetic second to breath in the eerie lifeless atmosphere of the current situation . my restless tearful eyes tempestuously turned their attention
towards the flustered forlorn faces of my internally cowering comrades .
Who just then had endured the quivering quail of a question. “ Would any of you, if any of you are still alive , please provide me with some clarity upon the aftermath of this whole heedlessly horrid ordeal
we've just endured ?” In response I felt a reassuring hand grasp onto my shoulder followed close behind by a roughened raspy voice rushing out the words . “ It seems that our luck’s lifeline hasn’t met its inevitable end, for the three of us are momentarily still alive .” In response I answered back with

“ Well men, if we're going to possibly die together, I think we should paint our pictures of the past into each other’s heads . I’ll start by telling my life before drifting into the draft . My life was in my eyes, like a gently intimate music box whose sentimental song still Lusciously lingers its precious primrose petals of passion deep within the confines of my mind . “
Even after the music of that moment had faded from the realms of reality and into obscurity . For I had a love her name was carol, Caroline Whittaker she was like , oh how do I put this? She was like a lark looming in the numbing luminescent nature of the night life. She always seemed to be drifting in a desolate daydream. Which at first blew into my view as a childishly charming person, but when the war finally broke out . It had awakened a new light within her personality. Carol became more avoidant trying to veer away from the frightening reality of the present day . Which brought upon her addiction to alcohol, I believe it was her way of attempting to nurture the time that was then no more. But it got to the point that one night I found her curled up on the floor cradled by her own teardrops.
Once she noticed my pale passing presence, Carol turned her head towards me. And with tears being like a waterfall trickling down her faintly faded face . She meekly muttered out the weakly wrinkled words. “ Take hold of the light before it fades.” , but sadly the light had faded long ago.
Leaving in its tracks
Caroline, my fallen star frozen into the frigid fragility of fear .
That night I held her in my arms and told her “ it’s okay to be afraid everyone’s broken, we just have to learn how to mend our scars either together or through ourselves . Besides if or when the time tends to turn into the dark. Just hold your hand and tell yourself I am not alone for everyone one holds their own hidden scars . Look away from the dark and bashfully embark towards the stormy starlit sky never letting the time pass you by.” , it’s funny because she started getting better then that’s when I drowned in the draft. Now I don’t know how she is . But what can I do, right? Because the only option that this situation has provided me is hope .
For in war hope is the only friend you are given because it gives you a reason to keep on living.” In response Jeffrey’s expressionless face cracked out a crooked grin and let out in a line of limp laughter .“ Well that’s all good and well for you , but what about the people who came into this war with nothing like for example me . My life before being wrapped up in the cynical subject matter of war was not so different as it is now . Since the day of my existence this world has branded me as its own personal dart board. All up and ready to be impaled with its purposeless pattern of problems . Back then my occupation at first seemed to be simple, but it gradually grew immensely intolerable. For I worked at an office firm the work was at first glance sewn with the thinnest thread of simplicity. But if you weren't careful it could strangle you without a second thought , then when the war happened everything changed because the war wanted more soldiers. More soldiers means less workers and less workers means more work to be piled onto our already brittled backs . And as a result the workload became too much for one man to control or handle. So when we couldn't catch up with the work. We would lose more and more money until inevitably the law firm went bankrupt leaving me to be unemployed . Which brings me here within the confines of this trench. So my point upon this world is that it’s nothing but an enigma . When you get through one problem you come face to face with a million more. I’ve grown to accept the fact that there will always be a problem peering through the passage of
my lingering lifeline. Just face it, we were dragged into a situation we can never get out of. The only way out is by killing the enemy or getting killed yourself. So might as well do the only thing I see as the most logical choice and that is to treat life like music and savor each note before it gets decimated into oblivion. Now Paul I layed down my tale of tears now it’s time to tell yours.”
Paul’s response wrapped itself within the rising arms of a reminiscent red maple tree trembling out its preliminary palisade placed in the placid palms of passion. “ my life , what had lied before the war was like a stained glass window. The moment stands still within its weakly wooden pane . But its beauty still carries on through the thriving thickets of light.
As it brightly blooms out a blissful bluebird sky swirling within the intricate eye of intimacy .

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

I mean fair because I originally wrote it for a story I’ve been writing.

I’m sorry if I hadn’t been around in a while it’s just that I’ve been still experiencing nerve pain and dealing with my last senior year of high school.
Because it’s difficult because of having so many brain surgeries my short term memory is not what it used to be.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

I mean fair because I originally wrote it for a story I’ve been writing.

I’m sorry if I hadn’t been around in a while it’s just that I’ve been still experiencing nerve pain and dealing with my last senior year of high school.
Because it’s difficult because of having so many brain surgeries my short term memory is not what it used to be.

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

It was just my opinion. I like what you have here. Hopefully, you can get it published, I think it is a great story. Hey, I'm not infallible, I screw up now and again. I hope that you don't have to have any more operations for a while. It must be tough, having to stop whatever you are doing, and take the time off. Keep on keeping on, ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I was just lying in bed listening to this
And I got the the idea the moment stays in the past but them memories live on and as we get older we tend to grow more nostalgic yearning for a time that is no more.

https://youtu.be/EWRsE7WfYvU

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

thumbs up!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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