Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Wind of Change?...

The news whispers quiet, just background noise
against the wind outside my window
My foot aches, the weather report confirms that it should

Tragedy around the world brought by electrons
I try to make sense of it all
Could a loving god let all this happen?
All powerful, he should not

Does this prove that there is no god?
I'm not sure
I'd like to think that there is a benign father
keeping track of us

How disappointed he must be

The sins of the father, are visited upon the sons
It might mean that the world we leave our children
should be a better place

Connected by the NET; an appropriate name
It bags us all together, scooped up to be served
at the dinner-table of life

We can eat or be eaten by our needs
We are all together on the same plate
Let us put our differences aside

I can reach out to my extended family and friends
with the touch of my keys
Keys to the world outside my own
Unlocking the soul of me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
A windy day, no where to go and hoping that I could write something meaningful. After some spirited discussion with another poet here, and the extending of the proverbial olive branch, I thought that I would try to bridge the gap that Scribbler saw between the last two stanzas Not sure how well I succeeded.
Editing stage: 

Comments

this is from the soul of the poet
as real as it gets...
just sitting here..got sixty bucks for groceries
a list of things to do...
sunshine and snow out there..
beautiful....
poverty stricken like everyone
but we got good systems here
food banks....help..workers...
afore I got sick..I worked hard jobs
delivering those three hundred fifty
pound woodstoves...cutting the hole
in the ceiling...building brackets..
patching roof....we did it all..
and showed the people how to
run the stove in the end..
always happy....they sent me on the
problem jobs.....I was naturally good
with people...articulate...tall...listener
then...the people had good points
design and engineering flaws...
I used to call head companies too
got the secretaries that had been
with the company for years...
family....resolution that kind of thing
so when I read your comment
and poem here today
after knowing you by your words
and work here....I know this is a cat
thats seen the world..
seen his world from the hood...
the wind....

yes...I too love the wind...
I drift often in thought
eventually gotta get my
packsack on...got my fur hat
leather long coat...well car coat
length..would love to have the
duster...just too damned expensive
and you gotta have balls to wear
em....cause on they wear em
means business
and my blazer...dark sport coat
casual business..

hell..free coffee at the A&W

keep yer eyes open boss
like I do
like all the good trail caps do

Peace Out Bros..
Have a good One!!

W

Don't know what to think about the personal god question. I do believe that there is something after this, but not sure of what. Maybe there is nothing and we are deluding ourselves in thinking that there is anything special about humanity, special enough to warrant any god to look out for us. Maybe we are just a highly sophisticated form of life that manages climb out of the slime to rule the world for a while and then die out. No special purpose, just happenstance. Wouldn't that be a kick in the nuts? Humankind conned by an alien life-form into thinking that we really matter in the whole scheme of things, might be another story. Most of the religious writings I've read, read like that. And, mankind sure is egotistical enough to believe it! Thanks for the comments and the kind words~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I can look up the many statements in the bible to illustrate this quick answer if you are at all interested. Man was created perfect but with free will. Satan, for his own purposes (he wanted to be worshiped, after all he was godlike compared to men). So Satan came in at the start of the human story with questions such as why should humans need to obey God. The fact that God only set limits for man's own good, because he knew he had not designed him to be fully independent but to accept his guidance in important matters would be established with the passing of time. Time in which man was left to stand on his own feet as Satan said he should.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

them up myself. I have a couple of good Bibles. I kind of subscribe to the idea of alien-intervention and not a personal god. Remember that men are the ones who wrote down the things in the Bible and thus are prone to write their own views, make mistakes in re-telling the stories and just plain lie when it suits their purposes. Look at how the Bible has been interpreted in times past and the atrocities that have been perpetrated in the name of our supposed holy deity. If man is so perfect, why does he/she need to be overseen or need limits?
People get very emotional and upset when you question their belief-system and I for one do not want to become involved in that kind of discussion here. Thank you for the offer and your take on the scenario. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I lost count of the number of books, starting with Von Daniken, that I read on the subject of Alien Intervention. To me a person had to be more credulous to go down that line with all the questions it threw up, than to accept the straight forward message written over a period of two thousand years by some forty authors who could not collaborate but ended up with a single simple story that completely holds together.
PS: I was agnostic at the time I was doing all this reading. It did not take more than four or five such books to realse I was not going to get any answers, only more questions from these books.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Wish I could have seen more of the world than I have. I've seen a good portion of the States, but other than Canada, never been outside of the country. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that people are pretty much the same, no matter where you go. There are those that love the world, and want the best for it and those that don't give a damn about anything other than their own space. There are those that have the interest of mankind as a whole to heart, and those that couldn't care less. I can see that while many people are successful in making a large piece of the pie theirs, they are not happy. There are a lot of people that have nothing much, but love life. We too have a pretty good system. All of the things you mention, but not free health care. Next to nothing for some like me though. Yes, I've paid my dues by working jobs that a lot of people bigger and stronger than me didn't have the fortitude to stay at. I loved working hard labor and rejoiced at being able to use my body and mind at doing so. Now, can hardly walk a block without resting. We old cats have to try and leave this world a better place for those that will take over. I know that you must have helped a few people along the way, for you have the soul of a old cat. One who sees the world as it is and hopes that he will leave it a better place when he leaves. Thank you for your kind words and hang in there, this world is still worth living in and saving. ~ Gee.
.
.
Every day above the dirt is a good one

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

A good rendition of the present and the soul of an internet poet.Seems to need another stanza to bridge between stanzas 5 and 6.....might just be me though.................stan

I will ponder the need for another stanza for a little bit. I haven't been writing much these last few months, so I may be a little rusty in the story-telling process. Thanks Stan~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I hope I succeeded in building that bridge you suggested I needed between the fifth and sixth stanzas. ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Means that when the sins of the sons are brought forward for punishment, the sins of their fathers are not forgotten.
"It might mean that the world we leave our children should be a better place"
I have known some atheists who supported that view of the world, so please don't claim it as specifically christian.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

to claim it as solely Christian! I'm not about to have a religious discussion here as I've said before.

As to not having the chance to collaborate with the rest of the authors over two thousand years; they had the story-line before them to integrate with their own. I could write a book about almost anything that doesn't contain technical knowledge in which I am not well-versed, simply by following the story of the person before me and make it come out in support of my views. Want to try it? [Not religion] ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

who wrote their bible accounts not only did not have earlier writings to go on (they were few and far between and kept under lock and key by a very small minority whose job it was to educate) but were of distinctly different backgrounds and education levels. There could be no collusion, even after the fact. Remember back then every single copy had to be made painstakingly by a copyist.. Caxton was some way into the future.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

the fact that they were of very different educational levels and backgrounds; as you just pointed out? They very often had to translate from different languages and dialects [ mistakes could very easily be made] not to mention that there were some that deliberately wrote things they way they thought they should be! [Who would know? The vast majority of the world were uneducated.] Then the fact that there were hundreds of years in between books of the Bible and some writings that were left out deliberately because they didn't fit the views of those in charge. [Caxton?] ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Languages, only Aramaic and Greek.
Both of which were in common usage at the same time, Aramaic mainly in Israel, Egypt and other lands with large Jewish populations. Greek was the common language of trade throughout the Mediterranean regions. Caxton, the printing press.
Neither of us is going to give ground so let this not develop into a stumbling block.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

We will not know until we have passed from this world, I do not discount the possibility of anything.
Thanks for a lively discussion. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I travelled stateside as a tourist
a wide and often frightening place
the expanse of it...its age
we took out blue cross coverage
had a tire almost fall off the van
almost a head on collision
by the time we were at the foothill
mountians are nerves were racked..
I drove up into some big city while
all were asleep and got hopelessly
lost...somewhere stateside after Banff
we swam in a mountian stream not too
cold and that was an outstanding memory
the squealing brakes coming down the
mile long grades was unerving but we
made it...when the squealing was gone
on those years it meant you have nothing
left....
just remember driving from yellowstone
headed for kentucky and running out of
money...driving into that huge sky...the flat
land...traffic and miles of nothing..at sixty
but then the FM radio was still King..
1986.....course we had cigarettes and summer
and eight tracks....one of the more cooler
memories....we had tents and KOA campgrounds
and stayed with family in Spokane and Kentucky
I worked labour jobs....couldnt count money..
summer camp maintenance...a cool job...summer
job in the gold silver refinery...remember pushing
the barrel of trash past the gold pourers...in a cage
like something out of dantes inferno...one day
this wiry little dude came out to brace me...called me
snoopy cause he knew i had the better summer job
but i held my ground...i knew where he was coming
from and didnt try to make fun of him...said...yes i
had a good job for the summer...then he bent down
and poked my boots...said it was good i had steel
toes....his way of saving face and a welcome of sorts
i had a basic job....best part was driving in a standard
nice car..seventy five mustang two....hatchback..
around the city after work and dinner...
made friends for lunch with one of the brainiacs
and summer walks met a couple of girls...
rest of the years it was tough jobs that your right
other people gave up the ghost on....
salt of the earth out there types..but met them later
and they all developed into better people...
including me....I did help many out...most would
have run and a lot asked me why i stayed
but i got the bible...liking all the stories in it
I actually do Believe in God....cause hes been
good to me....saw things for myself and others
that just cant be put down to luck....
we got health care...brand new hospital run by
people...got some issues....namely its huge
threats of cut backs..lack of doctors...
and like anyplace...always a handful of people
that just believe and tough it out..
if u dont ask...for help...or respect
people be just rolling over u
and i give thanks...

i have to stop and just lean on my bike seat
carrying food home....but i see the birds
the urban forests..watch the creek and listen
to its voice and I make time to talk to people

sure enjoy reading your poems Gee

Mr Wolf!

to be unwell

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I welcome your return to your poetry
and do enjoy your aciditic shorts
of negativity
it balances my positivity

hope yer feeling better mate!

Mr Wolf!

I have been at various stages of unwell for so long I cannot remember what it felt like to be healthy.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I like your poem, anytime a poem
generates a religious discussion, it
has succeeded.
One word, electrons ... not sure I
understand?

That first stanza filled with noise
and imagry ... great!!

Have you ever noticed everybody's
personal god always hates the same
people they do, weird huh.

Richard

electronic equipment such as T.V. or anything that employs electrons;[ an atomic particle carrying a negative charge of electricity.] Double meaning there; Negative! I am reminded of a story about religion. A man died and went to Heaven. At the gates he was met by an angel, who showed him around. They saw all kinds of beautiful cities and wonderful things. Excited, the man asked about each of them. Who lives there? The angel replied: Oh that's the so and so's and the ....etc...Then they came to a big grey wall they couldn't see around or over. " Wow! Who lives there! The angel
said: Shhhh. that's the.....fill in the blank. They think that they are they only ones here! Glad to provoke a good conversation. ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I believe in a life after this.... my son showed me that it is so...
I don't necessarily believe that that and a god are necessarily mutually inclusive....
I also don't think it matters to me one damn if there is a god or not .
The knowledge that i continue no matter what only leads me to be the best that i can, for i have to live with myself for a very long time.... and the baggage of regret is heavy.
What's more, i believe that if there is a god, then he/she would love me whether i know him/her or not...
Am also a firm believer in when your time is up, it is up.....

As for your poem gee - i really like the musing, the free flow of thought.... but would like to know what you heard on the news about troubles with electrons ... are you talking about the net here? Or HAARP? or ???
I enjoyed travelling with your thoughts
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

you put your two cents in Judy. I am also glad that you enjoyed my poem. As I explained to Richard, the use of the word electrons was just a means of identifying the method of communication. love ya too. ~ Gee
P.S. Love the phrase: The baggage of regret is heavy.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

I don't believe, but if I did I think it would be arrogant to put the blame on our creator. It is enough that we have this gift of life, and it is our responsibility to put our house in order.
As to your write, I very much enjoyed. Anything to do with god is always good for debate, as this thread shows. I particularly loved this,
'My foot aches, the weather report confirms that it should'.
Thank you for sharing.

You blew in with such confidence that I did not realize at first that you are so new here. Let me echo Geezer's welcome. Sites like this need new blood on a regular basis to avoid going stale, as so many have in the past. If there is anything I can do to help you ease in, don't hesitate to ask.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I shall not hesitate to call on you if need arises.

I agree, we have to take responsibility for our lives and the way we live them. In this work, I tried to show that as I grow older, I am more aware of the world I will leave behind and hope that it will be as good and maybe better for my children. I didn't dwell on the fact that I am getting old, but tried to show that I am by the foot comment and the extended family statement. I have many more aches and pains than that, but fortunately they do not always show up at the same time. LOL
Life is a tough teacher and I have not always followed it's lessons. I have abused my body with work and motorcycle accidents and now realize that regardless of the invincibility I felt as a youth, I am not immune to the aftermath of these things. Thank you for the comments and again welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

a woman flounced into the Neopoet chat room and exhorted everyone to pray for god to help the survivors. I said "If you believe in an interventionist god why not pray for him not to send earthquakes?"
She shut up but I wouldn't.
"Bone cancer in children? There is so much pain and evil in this world that is NOT OUR FAULT. IT IS GODS, if he exists.
Fuck the mere concept of god, if he exists he is an evil prick.
There is no excuse. Religion creates wars. Medicine creates cures and alleviates suffering.
Only through learning, science, the social sciences, ethics, consciously taking responsibility for our own actions, being accountable, can the World get better.
Abrogating our personal responsibility to be better people, putting it on god is cowardly and destructive."
We can and must improve ourselves and obliterate religion and superstition if we are to survive.

Some take comfort from religion? Some insects whole life cycle is to burrow into the eyes of children and make them blind in agony. Some comfort for them.

That is a god I would prefer to meet armed with a nuke.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

If, in fact, the good news we declare is veiled, it is veiled among those who are perishing, among whom the god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, so that the illumination of the glorious good news about the Christ, who is the image of God, might not shine through.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Please explain

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

that point is that God has left humans (under Satan's influence) to get on with things their way. This makes it unfair to blame God for what humans do. Nor should he be blamed for keeping out of it when humans or natural disasters cause problems. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I learned how to debate. Although I confess to being a believer, that would have no effect on my ability to take up the mantle of unbeliever, indeed it could well give me an advantage by understanding so well what I must argue against.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

If there is a god it creates evil

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

both spiritual and physical, free will to choose their life course. Satan wanted to be worshiped as a God. Everything relates back to that.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

if he exists.
But beauty snd goodness as well

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

do those two statements come from? Why is it stupid to believe something other than what you believe?

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

This is precisely the thing that I didn't want to happen here. As I said earlier, people get pretty upset when you attack their belief-system. I had no intention of starting a row. I know that it's always been your contention Jess, that poetry that creates a discussion is a good thing. However, I think that any further arguement should maybe be in private messages or another venue. By the way, did anyone read the next to last stanza that was added before this argument exploded ? I thought that Stan had a valid point, and added it after the first couple of exchanges between Logan and myself. This is one of those times when I think that it is better to agree to disagree and let it go at that. Thank you both for your comments.~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Jess is of course welcome to answer my last question if he wants but I will certainly take it no further. By the way, Jess and I are friends, so you are quite right, we should have had the good sense to handle this by private messages.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I apologize for wasting so much space within your thread on something that, if it had to be debated, should have been done under a thread of it's own.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I'm glad that we are all friends here. ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

because science has proving this to mans knowledge
as of the spiritual and karma...that is another matter
but I believe in these two...

my capacitor popped on the old old laptop
for now.....crikey critterz
so popped topped an even old vintage model
I have various laptops....desktops..frankenlaptops
library if need be and another rebuilt faster
stronger better on the way...

we are electrons...everything does go round
and round...

excellent comments and poem
Thank U
Mr still in the race by his long foxschausen nose

W

One thing that I do know for certain, we are all inter-connected. We are part of the cosmos by way of energy and matter. Of course, we also have anti-matter, but that is a topic for another discussion. LOL . Maybe that is a poem there? ~ Thank you, for being a constant source of ideas and stories.
~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.