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Willing you home.

As life gently clings
to thin bones worn
through work and time.
Heartbreak weary, I am

Prostrate.

These days grow longer
as fresh buds appear,
as new life springs forth
you linger in shadow, for

Evermore.

As is mans design
time passes time
as wills my pain
as does my love, in

Forever

This well overflows
as a knife to the chest
brings blood to skin,
I feel a separation, is

hemorrhaging.

How will my heart go on
beating to a rhythm
rumbling through my core
as yours will cease, I'm

Despaired

Do the stars shimmer
forever in the firmament
or shall they fall swiftly
Into an empty Guf, a God

Glittering

Can a universe bloom
from an inevitable departure,
thus are my dreams of late
as your leaving, my heart

Fragments

As nighttime wanders
aside with my hope
this pain slow seeps
in sternums depths, In

Adoration

How will the sun shine
when eyes imminently close,
and shall the moon raise
on a surface devoid of you, I

Love you.

Yet it will never keep you
but it holds you forevermore.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 

Comments

and effective. Writing about such intense emotions is so difficult.

Just a thought. After a few reads I was thinking of a very effective devise I found in a poem by James Dickey in which he takes the single words (Evermore, forever etc) and at the end of each stanza and at the end of the poem puts them all together as a stanza. Here it does not work as it was not intended to,

Prostrate evermore forever
hemorrhaging despaired glittering
fragments adoration love you.

but it would not be difficult to rework this so it could work, and might make the poem even more intense and compelling...again, just a thought.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I actually have a poem that I did just that here or on the first site. If it's on the old site it would be in my records all my poems have paper copy even if sometimes they aren't written that way. I may take your suggestion on board and do it later but at the moment my emotions are raw watching a loved one fade and wither away before my eyes. This was a kind of blood letting. Hence the please use care. I dont normally use that option but in this case i think too rough of a critique I may just break me. I myself am not well and I'm not as tough as I once was. But still I do want quality work and do not write unworthy poetry. I started out as a hack my goal has and will always be to better my words. Lol sorry for the long comment.

Cheers Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

indeed this is a very sensitive poem so i would just say that I felt it to the core...

much love and warm hugs...be well

cheers..
..................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

It is a sensitive poem but I appreciate the read and your kind comment. I will do my best to take care.

Love and hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

in my opinion life is a measure of moments....please recall all the good moments in life and that would give you strength, will and courage...

be well...stay good and keep taking best care...

much love and warm hugs coming your way..
..........................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

An emotional piece to write. Strong throughout.

How will the sun shine
when eyes imminently close,
and shall the moon raise
on a surface devoid of you

I found this part to be especially powerful and I was touched.

Raffy

is a testimony to the life of our loved ones and the impact they had on our lives. To feel a loss so strongly, they must have been important to our well being. This is testimony to a man who made his daughter's life a joy, whenever he shone on her universe. May you find peace in knowing that the rest of the world knows how much he is loved.

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A beautiful talk with the inner self and the trials we have to endure.
Keep faith with yourself and stay strong..
Our Love to you always , Yours Da xxxx

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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