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Will o' The Wisp
a kiss on the cheek
a dainty wave
a sigh
good bye
her fate is hers
mine is mine
such sweet sorrow;
parting
amidst smiles
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Sun, 2018-06-10 21:58
yes to the point.
not sure you could get any more minimalist than this. Like 20 words. They do say a lot, certainly as much that can be said in 20 words. Each word is nicely measured, for sound, irony and alliteration.
It's feels like a Haiku but it is much better, in English, with a modern sensibility without the structure of a very contrived form. Cool!
(don't think you need the semi-colon)
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
brittle light
Tue, 2018-06-12 01:11
Upon returning to Neopoet
Upon returning to Neopoet after many months, I am always a little apprehensive.
You have steadied my wobbly thoughts with your extremely gratifying remarks.
thank you Mark
the ; will eventually disappear
Al
author commentIRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 15:25
Al,
Al,
!
Lightness, beauty, world built in a moment.
Inspiring, gorgeous, beyond words.
Do-it-again-to-me-please kind of a poem.
I read about your smiles and yet i know
you both will be crying at night.
IRiz
brittle light
Fri, 2018-06-22 17:53
...but did you like it....
...but did you like it....
wow
I wish sometimes I could read one of my poems as if seeing for the first time, not knowing how it came to be written, but only its completion; to see if it would strike me as others see it.
I am elated with your response.
truly gratifying
Al
author commentIRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 19:03
Of course I like it very much
Of course I like it very much
IRiz
brittle light
Sat, 2018-06-23 02:25
I was being facetious, your
I was being facetious, your superlative adjectives gave you away
i get a little tongue tied with such lush comments, and sometimes
blurt out silly responses
Al
author commentIRiz
Sat, 2018-06-23 08:34
I know. But what are we here
I know. But what are we here for?
Your poems are good so it is easy to go overboard. But I didn't. I have responded just the way I felt.
IRiz