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Will o' The Wisp

a kiss on the cheek
a dainty wave

a sigh

good bye

her fate is hers
mine is mine

such sweet sorrow;

parting

amidst smiles

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

not sure you could get any more minimalist than this. Like 20 words. They do say a lot, certainly as much that can be said in 20 words. Each word is nicely measured, for sound, irony and alliteration.
It's feels like a Haiku but it is much better, in English, with a modern sensibility without the structure of a very contrived form. Cool!
(don't think you need the semi-colon)

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Upon returning to Neopoet after many months, I am always a little apprehensive.
You have steadied my wobbly thoughts with your extremely gratifying remarks.
thank you Mark

the ; will eventually disappear

Al

author comment

Al,
!
Lightness, beauty, world built in a moment.
Inspiring, gorgeous, beyond words.
Do-it-again-to-me-please kind of a poem.

I read about your smiles and yet i know
you both will be crying at night.

IRiz

...but did you like it....

wow

I wish sometimes I could read one of my poems as if seeing for the first time, not knowing how it came to be written, but only its completion; to see if it would strike me as others see it.

I am elated with your response.
truly gratifying

Al

author comment

Of course I like it very much

IRiz

I was being facetious, your superlative adjectives gave you away

i get a little tongue tied with such lush comments, and sometimes
blurt out silly responses

Al

author comment

I know. But what are we here for?
Your poems are good so it is easy to go overboard. But I didn't. I have responded just the way I felt.

IRiz

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