Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

WILDERNESS

Unforgiving tides rush in across
my virtue the crest of the wave
bears down in unrelenting
fashion, testing me.

Clinging to the tapestry of my
being as you fear not the testimony
of any bible that fails to hold
justification in others presence.

Squinting your slanted eyes, your
version trimmed to suit my belief
in it minute, self-confidence was just
a word just something I would observe.

Conversations overheard, learning lessons
without subjecting myself to discourse
single minded through rejection, would
laugh it off or flee as happy as a child
could seem to be.

I now contemplate lingering possibilities
giving credence to self-doubts
pouting lips express my hiss, negatives
I've burnt on a wistful list.

And still the odour invades as it degrades
snarls as it strips me of chance
past it I prance, my desires have given
way to age and displacement, gravity
that draws me towards its core.

Even the arrogance of youth passed by
amongst my elders who stated the how
and why now alone in this wilderness I'm
un-believed the lonesome lost seed.

The innocence that now I see, hyper alert
waiting for the earth to birth one's imagination
and blame my discontent on god and nature.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

hi sorry for delay in response
cheers for the fix, more typos
all fixed now i hope

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

Zigs,

I have failed you...I missed the 'of'...I'll return my fee for editing this for you! Hehe!

Great title!

Now I see this posted I like it even more. This is so very much your style and the imagery is well crafted with well chosen words and lines. This piece has evolved from your first draft and really has become an excellent piece.

Favourite stanza is definetly:

Even the arrogance of youth passed by
amounts my elders who stated the how
and why now alone in this wilderness I'm
un-believed the lonesome lost seed.

which also contains the title, so for me it is the life force/heart beat of this piece.

This is a fantastic piece and I wish you'd written it before the Newsletter as I would have included this piece for sure.

regards,

HS (failed Editor!)

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

hi cheers hood hi would not of choose that verse as my fav
but its ok i guess lol, yes you saw the first half of this and
it grew and grew lol, you would never fail me hood lol , its my
write I should of seen it but it wont happen again i'm going to
change that typo habit you'll se lol. cheers hood and ty for the
TITLE and the feed back ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

is my domain
where only i do remain

no poachers are welcome here
as it is they come seldom
nice verse my dear
i wish from the wilderness
all could that hear

loved

hi cheers for the read
and the comment lol,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

hello cheers , yes there is much to ponder on in this one ty,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

Brilliant !!!! I just love your work

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

hi WOW a bill cheers Louise ,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

I can't tell you how much I loved this forceful and imaginative piece. My favorite lines are: "Clinging to the tapestry of my
being as you fear not the testimony
of any bible that fails to hold
justification in others presence."

Very powerful, it holds special meaning for me. A great write, and I love the title.

love, cat

p.s.
book of styx sent out this morning. sorry for the delay.

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

hello there my friend , the one thing I have missed in your comments until late
is how you always without fail point out your fav lines and I love how different
folk have different fav lines , the title was hoods idea he saw this when it was
only four verse long and again in its totality, I was going to call this "blame"
it great to hear from you , i will pm you soon ,,,,,,,,,,love ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs x

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

.......Even the arrogance off youth passed by
amongst my elders who stated the how
and why

.......now alone in this wilderness
I'm un-believed the lonesome lost seed................ GREAT LINES

BUT

You seem to be
A duplicate
or a replica,
A seed indeed is individual entity
But here it seems
Twins born
at the same moment
But to different mothers,
Time did seed

The wilderness I always thought
Only belonged to me
But I’m now quite prepared
To share it with thee

loved

Your error of 'off" is still there if you read further down, an off that should be of.
let's make it easy:
Verse 4 line 4
Verse 7 line 1

so your the bad seed, maybe it was the soil. transplant now. we will try it here where there's less acid in the soil. Here being neopoet.
I love the darkness in this write, it enveloped me and carried me to it's end.
Always Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

this is an excellent "soliliquoy" and very thought provoking...many of us go through the phase of self apprisal in the ummmm shall i call it "winter of youth"?...therefore i could relate to it very well...

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

lord i'm mad late to this reply , oops
" thought provoking " thank you so much
,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

hi there I hope you are having a Xmas to remember,
it's bringing to thaw out over ere now, you won't have such problems lol
yes you have being reading me for quite a while and I guess I have come on
a bit must thank neo for that , I do feel i,ve found a direction, WOW " take a bow"
high praise indeed thank you so much jayne that gives me what I need to strive
for better ty my dear, this was two separate poems and then became one lol
PLEASE tell "lyz" I was asking for her , how is my wee pet lol and " storm"
ill check you out soon , have a good one ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs xx

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.