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Wild Child
Heed to the call of the rough winds,
Wild child
- Untamed soul.
The voice of the wolves of the steppes
Howling from the mountains beyond,
beckon to you.
Be mired not in the madness
of the humans broken world.
Neither loan to it a magical wand
Nor a simple helpful hand;
They’re both needless like desert sands.
Just harken to the horizon’s thundery
And follow after the lightening’s path
away from this void
before the human madness laugh
all to the crimson glory of death
- Sad world. Mad world
Breaking into shreds
Piece by piece.
Soon there will be desolation left
After the ceremony of the nuclear storm.
So Wild child
Untamed spirit. Do not stall
Heed to the wilderness call
- and walk
Far-off from man’s mad world.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
AmmaKonadu
Tue, 2012-04-10 12:14
Hello there!
I feel what goes through this poem and my favorite lines were;
-Sad world. Mad world
Breaking into shreds
Piece by piece.
Soon there will be desolation left
After the ceremony of the nuclear storm.
So Wild child
Untamed spirit. Do not stall
Heed to the wilderness call
- and walk
Far-off from man’s mad world.
I totally agree with this...Sad world, Mad world.
I made one small observation though...the word 'hacken' in the 3rd stanza i think should be 'Hearken' if you meant to say 'listen to'.
i loved the piece and the message is clear.
WonderGolly
Wed, 2012-04-11 08:31
Good afternoon Ama.
thank you for coming by and reading this piece
and I appreciate your comments
would make the correction you pointed out.>>>>>
I actually meant to write "harken". thanks for point it out.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2012-04-11 12:00
Dear Wonder,
Suggestion:
In this line I would change:
The voice of the thunderbirds
to:
the voice of the wolves of the steppes
I really liked these lines:
Be mired not in the madness
of the humans broken world.
Neither loan to it a magical wand
Nor a simple helpful hand;
They’re both needless like desert sands.
and the rest of the poem rocks, too!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
WonderGolly
Mon, 2012-04-16 13:35
"the voice of the wolves of the steppes"
Hello, Candlewitch, I apologize for taking long
respond to your comment. thanks for your suggestion:
""""" "the voice of the wolves of the steppes"
sounds perfect and connects with the beginning of the
next line. Must admit too that it appears kind of more lively than "thunderbirds"
will effect the change. thanks for patience and time.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2012-04-16 23:22
This is an exquisitely written, elegant yet powerful piece.
I truly admire your wordcrafting and feel we are in some way kindred spirits.
Only one slight thing bothers me
Just harken to the horizon’s thundery [did you mean thundering? Thundery would require an object, like-]
Just harken to the thundery horizon
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
WonderGolly
Tue, 2012-04-17 14:15
Yes, Weirdelf,,,
I actually meant "thundery" to depict an image like a "Thundery Weather in the horizon''
and so if I am permitted, I'll apply your suggestion "Just harken to the thundery horizon."
Forgive my wrongful word use in sentence construction.
Thanks for coming by and appreciating this piece.
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
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