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Wide Wide Wide

Submitted by gregwa8 on Mon, 2018-10-29 00:24

like a river that runs
through tight slivers
in the rock
a snake in the crack

and then spreads its arms
and back out
its broad shoulders
golden
like a bear
beneath the sun
for miles and miles

sometimes your thinking
must be narrow

sometimes
wide wide wide

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

zebra

Mon, 2018-10-29 12:17

zebra's picture

I like the comparison between the geographic terrain and the consciousness evoked through speech
Having said that I find the language of the piece broadly speaking a bit flat and the comparison in and of itself never taking me anywhere beyond the original eminence of your witticism as if your feeling sluggish or myopic Perhaps,,,,,Turn up the heat gregwa8

ex; In the square below: a nun, on fire,
runs silently toward her god — 

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