Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Who's rock..

Who’s rock

Who was first to throw the rock then spear
starting war to sate man’s hunger for death
Creating a mindset of mistrust and fear
that denies a friend a peaceful last breath

Was it hominids who beat the Chimp or Ape
launching boulders that allowed us to reign
So soon to perfect the art of slaughter, rape.
that brings this world so much bloody pain

And we the ones who raced ahead with glee
to make the weapon of great destructive doom
Telling ourselves the lie, it keeps us all free!
sweeping away protest with god’s righteous broom

To call ourselves by such an obnoxious name
like the protectors of the new free world
When for all sort’s of riches we kill and maim
then act proud when our nation’s flag is unfurled

This spirit gives us presidents, queens or kings
who when asked why, take the safest way out
They’re never the ones pulling the strings
it’s those evil dictator’s listen, hear them shout

Well I don’t care how the bloody thing started
it’s time we moved off our arses to try and heal
Putting together our nations we so easily parted
and for others, not their riches, let us truly feel.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Well expressed ideas, direct and yet having prosodic value.

Sorry, but the last line of the first stanza and the whole of the second stanza strike me as bloody nonsense.

that would deny a friend their final breath [what? how? Isn't someone being hastened to their final breath?]

Clearly it was much earlier than David, the Greeks or the Romans. I don't know what you were thinking at all with that second stanza.

Now go ahead and show me what a nong I am, once again. I've screwed up quite a few readings lately.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

No i can't because once again you're correct, sometimes a little research would help. It is i who is the nong, blasting what's in my head onto the page. Second Stanza these were my examples of leaders who took our battles with rocks and spears a little further than simple survival. Denying a freind their final breath, was to not allow them a natural death. Both these areas need work, so as i say i am the nong. Thank you. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Again i thank you for your input, that helped me change this poem. Hope you'll let me know if it works. Thank you. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

bloody fine poem, glad I could help
and especially glad I didn't screw up again [grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.