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Who Me?

In an hotel lobby the other day.
Just signing out after my stay.
I creaked as I went for the door
They say pride goes before a fall

This old body wanted to flirt with a piece of skirt
Walked out too fast tripped fell in the dirt,
Ironed the old shirt, sprayed it with after shave,
I think for the old sweaty smell to stave

My muscles have gone so it won't be long
Six feet under to sleep asunder
For that day in an oak box I will belong
Don't you dare pray, what use is it I wonder

Think of me when you chase a bird
To me and Zimmer it would be absurd
I have learned how not to chase
I just wait to ambush in a special place

Watching the birds, can't even be a stalker
Can't stalk when you are holding a walker
I have found a few new things to do
A rose bed, instead of one with you.

A small place now, old clothes that don't fit
No need to step up, who cares a shit
I have a carer who knows me by now
Gives me a slap, when I call her a cow

Just a warning to those so young and smug
Time will grab you with a swollen gut to lug
Makes you slow and lean forward so
You cannot laugh it's the way all men go.

Bye for now I'll try to catch up somehow…

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Only joking about treating this with sensitivity, who the hell treats old folk that way in this day and age, LOL
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like it but can't help wondering why is the stanza 3 not rhyming like the others. Other than that, its all good. Old age will come sooner or later.Its just a matter of facing another phase in life. I doubt it will be easy for me with the cramps and all. Truth is, I do have an old injury that still hurts when it gets too cold. Got it from my previous job as a security guard. I believe it will be one of the reasons why I'll be a very grumpy old man. LOL.

Take care Ian
Alid

I was bored so wrote a few words to send to the stream, we have a lack of comments here again, but just one from you has made it a better day, I have attended to that third stanza.
Just an undersite on my part, (Undersite is a play on words called a pun, it doesn't exist but it is reference to being under the ground )
Fear not the future if your past has been good,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

glad you feel that way. Our friends must have been busy of late. Oh yes, Ian, if you look at the stream, you'll find one poem entitled 'Love Has Passed".I think it is beautiful. Maybe you want to check it out? From the look of it, this poet has a good style. Don't take my word for it, I am agreeing with Jess on this one. Why don't you read it and tell us what you think?

Alid

Writing dear Ian. I liked the true emotions especially in stanza#5 and especially that ladt line.
But who could ever forget Ian the man of tender thoughts and teaching.Your writings would let yourthoughts travel far away.
You are always young with your big heart.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Just a fun piece, to try and make some of us smile I was feeling bored so jotted this down to get rid of the frowns that furrow other brows lol,
Take care young lady, know you are in our thoughts, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

will help
a hotel

loved

Me dear young Bard, the correct way of writing is "an hotel" and don't ask me why, it is one of those silly English things, thanks for the update. Get back to me if I am wrong please.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

often I also get mixed up with
a unique
or
an unique

which....????
well English language also has a word called
deviation
the language at times suffers

let's hear Jess 's offer!

loved

have you gotten so old you wear cloths now instead of clothes? I think the older a man gets the more flirtatious young women get with them. They must think age makes us harmless lol. Little do They know............stan

I wore one cloth to cover my wearwithalls but I bow to your rich intentions, and have been told again that I am not a man of the cloth so I wears Clothes now, thanks for your visit and eagle eyes I is much older and can't see so good.
My unconditional love to you both, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Noted your wise words in the closing lines

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for your visit, just a warning to the younger ones I is making the "T" shirts now lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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