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Whispered Endearments

Whispered endearments
tickling my ears
every breath
drawing me near

Featherlike fingers
up and down my arms
each movement charms

Kisses so soft
sailing aloft
on clouds of reverie

Lustfilled eyes
Stop being a tease
take me now, please

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 


nice sentiment, but a rather simplistic
write on a theme done to death

perhaps some fleshing out would give it
more substance?
i found some lines sounded wrtten simply
to "fit", and sounded abrupt a couple of times

just because a subject has been written about
ad nauseum, doesn't mean it can't continue to be
written about
i just think that such subjects need a hearty dose
inventiveness in order to stand above the mire
of mediocrity

this is a nice poem, but i think with work, it
could be a lot better.
just my thoughts...use or lose.


thanks so much for reading and commenting gr8 advice x

author comment
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