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WHIRLWIND

thunder-storm
with a wind
from the sea
crept into
the market-square

an infestation
devouring locusts
eating everything
in it's wild madness

now you can see
nude dirty kids
with naked soles
parading
on glass-chips
and thistle

women with
dangling breasts
youths in akimbo
relishing the storm

you planted
a tree of
memory
in our hearts

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Comments

your title and your word usage is great! Simple words can be the best, when used in the proper context and for simple, clean thoughts that impart clear ideas. Did you mean that the storm was [like] an infestation of locusts; or was it? if it was [like], then I would do this:
like an infestation
of devouring locusts

Just my take, and if you want to use it, be my guest. I liked the fact that there was no capitalization or punctuation; it made it that much more a simple occurrence, told as though it were an observation at the market square, when one reached home. Nice work! ~ Geezer.
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The poem talks about the effects of colonization in the West African sshores using Symbolism and Allusions

Hommies

author comment

Love the poem. It makes an act of nature, the forces of nature come in contact with the village with a haunting message of the memory of the storm. Like a tornado we have in the USA that devistste everything.
I’m so sorry to have read you comments. I did not at all invision or get any feeling from the poem about colonialism. The reach of the symbols do not get there for me. I am one who strongly believe a poet should be understood as he intended. Most people don’t agree with me. I am not happy when people receive my poem with nice comments and praise but do not get at all what I was intending to relay and I consider the poem a failure. But that’s now your choice. This poem is great as it is for me but not if I missed the whole point. If that is important to you give us more clues and allusions to let us in.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

If you had alluded to colonization in any line, I did not see it. I share your worry, that most of the countries that are colonized by the West or even touched by it; will fall victim to the promise of the future or be dumped by the greed of the people. [On both sides]. I was satisfied with the simple explanation of the poem and now wish to see how you might work the idea of colonization into the poem. Good luck! ~ Geezer.
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Critique or comment today!

Thank you all for coming around I appreciate your honest comments

Hommies

author comment
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