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Where We Belong

Submitted by alidzain on Fri, 2015-08-07 19:54

No matter how far we will go,
deep in our hearts we'll always know
that you'll be waiting here
to welcome all of us home

We see the faces of harmony,
different races, one destiny
in the land of opportunity
where there can be equality

Over the years, we do our part,
stand together, heart to heart
as we built a better life with our hands
united as one as fellow countrymen

We stand here today, proud and free,
watching our flag waving endlessly
as we celebrate the 50th anniversary
of our home, our beloved country.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is a tribute in conjunction of Singapore's 50th National Day on 9th August..-Alid
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Sparrow

Sat, 2015-08-08 04:28

Sparrow's picture
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A great tribute to your history, it takes many hundreds of years to become a sort of civilised place I just wonder when we in this UK will reach it, Have a great anniversary Day tomorrow.
Yours Ian..

PS:- It would be great if the UN meant United Nations but it is probably another type of world rape as in the old days so I ain't happy with its rulings or actions over the last 70 years. I hope that places like Singapore can progress without these greed run systems..

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alidzain

Sat, 2015-08-08 06:18

alidzain's picture

Ian.

Alid

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Geezer

Sat, 2015-08-08 08:00

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less is more. I like the theme, your title is good and it was well put together! It flows pretty well and it is consistent throughout. I just feel that you don't really need the last stanza. It fell apart at the last, where it doesn't keep the rhythm of all four lines rhyming. and rather than sounding forced, I would just leave the last one out. I think that you said all that you needed to say. Viva Singapore! ~ Gee

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alidzain

Sat, 2015-08-08 18:11

alidzain's picture

thanks, Gee

Alid

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