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Where Commas Lie

A Relieving Sigh

no more pangs of love
nor wanderlust, enough,
sitting here alone
...............................

You Should Go

vague in the distance
calliopes beckon, clowns
gathering in herds

...............................

Patient: Young Grasshopper

a crippling deluge
the grass is prone, to locusts,
water-slide landings
................................

Coincidence or karma?

yesterday's car wash
broke the drought, long over due
rains turned dust to mud
............................

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Long time no see.
Lovely snaps. I especially like the last one. It's so true and most often happens to me.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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yes, it has been awhile, I've been gone for about six months until last week,
just lost steam I guess. This is not unusual for me though. Here for awhile, gone for awhile
...bio-rhythms, or something like that.
glad you are still here, or recently returned. your works are always interesting and well written.

thanks for your visit
much appreciated,

Al

author comment

You do manage to reinvent a structure each new poem.
I kinda see this as a totem pole, 4 croquis, or 4 haiku's, but not with a specific meter count, just conceptually.

It has the abstraction of a Stevens, with an Stevens like title. I get a little something out of each.
I cannot find the connection, it does not seem to matter.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I don't like calling my haiku "haiku".
there is always someone who says it is incorrect
but I write them as I conceive "Haiku"
though not as conventional as some would expect

sorry to have sent you on a wild goose chase, looking for a connection.

thanks for your response, I do really appreciate your point of view.

Al

author comment

What a difference the placing of a comma makes.
Like these.
Jx

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thanks tor checking in.
the comma thing was hard because I didn't want to write each little piece twice to show the difference;
but you (sharp cookie that you are ) got it anyway.( was that "cookie" thing too American for a Brit?)
I hope there is no double entendre because of our common language barrier.
That happened to me once with an Aussie poet, a woman. I don't know who was more embarrassed!

Neat, as in tidy, or as in nifty? I can live without a definitive answer, so don't feel obligated to respond

Al

author comment

as in nifty and clever.
American expressions seem to have migrated over here too - grins.
Cookie being another. We use the term 'smart cookie ' over here, meaning quick witted and bright, but don't use the word cookie in its other context. Bizarrely, what you call cookies, we call biscuits, what you call biscuits we call scones.
Language is so fascinating, how it travels, changes, develops and morphs.
Over in UK, we have so many American TV progs, films, documentaries etc that 'American English' is entirely natural to quite a few. Microsoft and other computer giants probably have a lot to answer to in that respect, as spelling checks etc are by default in American English. We usually have to go and reset to get an English UK dictionary/spell check. It gets interesting when it's mixed with local dialect and expressions though. Some UK dialects and accents are hard to understand even within Britain.
There are certain words that have a massive difference in meaning, I'm thinking of what you call an eraser, lol,we call it a rubber. An American friend when she was visiting, struggled a little with that one. More grins.
Anyway back to original meaning of neat. I meant it in its American context, but thinking about it, its tidy context works too.
Jxx

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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

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