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Where am I ?

I saw me falling that day
I felt fatigue deep inside me.
I wasn't ascertained---
I was just benumbed.
The place was full of darkness
I didn't know where that place was,
Still I am living in this place
Every day, and moment
I don't know how to come back.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

without response.
It is a deep, poignant poem and well written.
My only crit is the word 'ascertained',
it is the correct in meaning but does not feel quite right in context, perhaps you could find a better synonym that is a tad more dynamic?
Sorry, that's all I have to offer.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes except Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I'm sure you could find a better one.
You have a strong poetic sense and wordcrafting. I look forward to more of your work.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes except Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

on other people's work. Maybe that is why you have not had many responses.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes except Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Good that you brought this poem back to stream...apparently it was posted while I was away from Neopoet for a long time.i agree that it has a good theme and poetic feel but need a bit more to make it more poetic...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

I don't know what is your first name...whatever it be...welcome to Neopoet....
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raj (sublime_ocean)

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