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When you are alone

When You are alone the sadness sets in and your depression begins . your are a sad sad swan swimming in your lonesome pond sadly softly singing your love song hopefully someones heart hears and decides to swim towards the pond and willingly wants to have a bond with you the swan of sadness. And you now feeling a flamboyant flame in your heart finally Flying with them like a dove and finally dive deep into the luscious lake of love.

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, Edward,
Your language is beautiful - soft and tender then strong and bold. But what I love about your poetry, especially this piece, is the build up, the increase in movement and motion and the wonderful way you have one's heart "dive deep into a luscious lake of love." True - the only way to fully understand the lake of love is to dive deeply into it. Wonderful.
Thank you!
L

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

look here, i have just put your beautiful poem into some order, i hope you like. A beautifully romantic poem, very soft and full of hope. i love the ending.

When You are alone,
the sadness sets in
and your depression begins.
you are a sad, sad Swan swimming in your lonesome pond
Sadly, softly singing your love song,
hopefully someone’s heart hears
and decides to swim towards the pond,
and willingly wants to have a bond with you,
the Swan of sadness,
and you, now feeling a flamboyant flame in your heart
finally flying with them like a dove
and diving deep into the luscious lake of love.---- i took "final" away because it doesnt need it.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment

Your lovely theme scripted in prose transformed nicely by Teddy in poetic form....

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

author comment
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