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When She Is Torn

unpredictable
progress is unstoppable
are we all swimming?
drowning or flying?
to each now our very own
this thing was not sown
this virus Covid Nineteen
not by land or stream
by man nor beast in the wild,
but Mother Earth riled
from humans to save herself,
put up on a shelf
people born from her magic
had turned so tragic
memories and fairy tales
spill from viral pails

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Such power in here, yes it's not all fairy tales of happily ever after. This is a problem and seems to be hurting us all in ways we could never imagine. Let's hope someone clever will find a vaccine there's a few in human testing now. I think you could have a better title in my opinion, could be related to the fairy tales you speak

Something like " not a fairytale " or something along those lines. Of course just my thoughts Sir.
If only pure elf? Maybe you don't need that line? A great addition to the pandemic competition, this month the judge has a very hard job.

Thank you...Teddy

Thanks for helping me wade through the ending that I had no faith in, really.
I don't know about changing the title. It might all get messed up if I do.
I'll give it a go though and hope your comment stays.
Thanks again,
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

author comment

It's wonderful as is. Good luck in the competition. We are making history maybe we should put all these covid poems in a book of Neopoet history 2020. That's an idea. I love my son to learn about it he is only 7 but he is really interested in knowing everything. Have a great day Mark.

Thank you...Teddy

When mother nature's torn, could also be a great title

Just trying to inspire you more.

Sleep on your ideas. It helps see with fresh eyes

Thank you...Teddy

'She' is defined in the poem :~)
Thanks so much..
xo
Mark

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author comment

A pleasure working with you Sir. Excellent now so much more power with this new title

Thank you...Teddy

a friend many years ago, that said to me one day:
"Man is nothing more than a germ or a flea riding on the back of Mother Nature.
.One day she will get tired of us and shake us all off. You reminded me of him and the statement that has come back to me in these days of climate change, diseases and various calamities. Nice clear, concise lines, that spell it out. Nice job. ~ Gee.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Thanks Gee you are much appreciated.
Later,
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

author comment

Where it touched me in paticular, was the riding visual from the line that includes "Mother Earth"... i did find the ending a bit jarring, didn't seem to flow with the rest. IMHO, only.

I'm hoping that does it, but ya never know.
Mark

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author comment
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