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When in Loneliness think of me POEM OF 2010

When in Loneliness think of me

In the loneliness
solitude of time
just think of me
a friend of thine
upon my shoulders
lay your head and weep
if you wish to instead
and
when your tear flow dries
you will then know
how loneliness too also flies
and
a smile shall come upon your face
as when a lonesome stranger
like me the face you try to trace
in the mirrors of time
and
the shadows of life
when ever you are ever in strife
think about me and my lonely life

I rest upon shoulders still alive
none wants to carry me you bet
there where the end has yet
to me finally lay to rest

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

of your intermmitent rhyme scheme and want to explain that you and others keep choosing to label such poetry as free-verse
because it is not very well known that there is such a category. When the rhyme does not fall into the rigid form of the more well known forms, we are prone to label it as free-verse. That said; I like your piece very much, and wish to point out that there is only one mistake that I see. "when your tear[s] flow dries." delete the [ess] from tear. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Shall
I only know FREE whatever poetry
rhyme no rhyme as long as it is no CRIME
LOL

author comment

your poems keep on getting better and better...I liked this very much!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

this was composed in 2010 when i was much younger and far better now age shrinks my synapses LOL

author comment

that the pieces that you choose to revisit and post are getting better. I think if you took as much care to write like you did back years ago, you would be much better now! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

shall as you please
now in a hurry
let me feel the stars
smile at me
as once they did

then jess kicked me
now may thee freely
I'm like horsy
you can take me to the water
but can't force me to drink
ah now compose as I did once
long ago as a fresher
NEO
no more now as a dunce

LOL GEE
YOU are word wise very pretty
ok witty

HOWZ IT?

author comment

Still dying one day at a time and not looking forward to it! LoL
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

12 years younger
full of adrenaline
now they are going to use
FORMALDEHYDE
as and when Gee
then don't see me
LOL only

Gone with the Wind

author comment
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