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When in Loneliness think of me

Submitted by lovedly on Mon, 2018-09-24 21:47

When in Loneliness think of me

In the loneliness
solitude of time
just think of me
a friend of thine
upon my shoulders
lay your head and weep
if you wish to instead
and
when your tears flow dries
you will then know
how loneliness too also flies
and
a smile shall come upon your face
as when a lonesome stranger
like me the face you try to trace
in the mirrors of time
and
the shadows of life
when ever you are ever in strife
think about me and my lonely life

I rest upon shoulders still alive
none wants to carry me you bet
there where the end has yet
to me finally lay to rest

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2018-09-26 06:50

Roscoe Lane's picture

A kind hearted poem, from a poet who breathes poetry. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

lovedly

Wed, 2018-09-26 15:24

lovedly's picture

I just discovered
so many of my poems
have been picked up by yahooo
to be made as 5 star
you tubes hooo huuuuuuuuuuu

now all will breathe in me
thanks Roscoe

author comment

IRiz

Sat, 2018-09-29 09:30

IRiz's picture
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The face you try to trace in the mirrors of time
The line is great, love it.

IRiz

lovedly

Sat, 2018-09-29 15:22

lovedly's picture

we must remember
when we were young
it smiled as a
ROSE
now to achieve that kind of satisfaction
many times in front of a mirror we have to
pose
to see that one time semblance
of a once again budding rose
I suppose

how did I this compose
do your verdict
kindly
dispose

author comment

IRiz

Mon, 2018-10-01 08:35

IRiz's picture
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I think you have a good poem here.
Place it in the stream
But let it grow a little
and then trim.
Irene
Riz
Is
Happy
To read Lovedly's lines.
He is an artist! His poems are neat
like webs of a spider, like kisses of bride,
like morning that always arrives in time
Rain or Shine.

IRiz

IRiz

Mon, 2018-10-01 08:36

IRiz's picture
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I think you have a good poem here.
Place it in the stream
But let it grow a little
and then trim.
Irene
Riz
Is
Happy
To read Lovedly's lines.
He is an artist! His poems are neat
like webs of a spider, like kisses of bride,
like morning that always arrives in time
Rain or Shine.

IRiz

scribbler

Sun, 2018-09-30 15:53

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I enjoyed this but think the last 2 lines......hmmmm.....perhaps you tried to pack too much meaning into too few words? But it was an enjoyable read with a good transfer of emotional content......stan

Sparrow

Sun, 2018-09-30 19:27

Sparrow's picture
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Just loved this new you branching out to Bardic prose, Hey that sounds good don't it???
Just a small thing in the line:-when your tears flow dry..
Tears cannot flow dry, lol, it has to be "Dries" not dry if you see what I mean, Tears are always wet.
Hey what's with me being correct all of a sudden..
You take care and a great write from you.
Yours as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Sun, 2018-09-30 23:05

lovedly's picture

I accept
wanted to say eyes
but
dries
now I think is better than best

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2018-09-30 23:09

lovedly's picture

when your tears flow dries
you will then know
how loneliness too also flies

author comment

Sparrow

Mon, 2018-10-01 03:15

Sparrow's picture
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BB, Bravo Bard, Take care out there and know we are watching you lol,
Yours as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Mon, 2018-10-01 12:38

lovedly's picture

keep watching
it helps my BP rising
lol BB
NEW NAME

BB =BROAD BAND
BRAVO BARD OF BB

author comment

ROSYME

Tue, 2019-10-01 18:39

lovy views

ROSYME

Thu, 2019-10-03 17:21

compy packed up drowned
in the ATLANTIC

A fish caught it
transformed me into
ROSYME
ONCE LOVEDLY

Sparrow

Thu, 2019-10-03 18:41

Sparrow's picture
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Have you been laying in the sun far to long without the correct Factor cream, I suggest that you be more careful.
It can shorten your life and you could get cancer.
Take care young bard, I would have chosen a better name though lol something like Williemwicklesphere,
I am not sure if this is spelt rite but it is Africans for the great Bard ..
Take care and I will see your new life form, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

ROSYME

Thu, 2019-10-03 18:44

Canadien decendant's IAN

Sparrow

Fri, 2019-10-04 18:25

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Canadian relatives, My wife had a Sister in Red Deer Alberta, and of course Brother in law and a few others that we talk to sometimes, why did you ask about this ??
Yours Ian T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

ROSYME

Fri, 2019-10-04 18:37

Take care young bard, I would have chosen a better name though lol something like Williemwicklesphere,????????????????????

lovedly

Mon, 2020-09-21 18:05

lovedly's picture

loneliness has been thrust

I thought this will help those who were in 2010 just learning to compose poems

thanks friends this may make you SMILE
but perhaps

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2022-07-22 18:11

lovedly's picture

Hello Ray
read you may

author comment
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