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When I Have Fears (ellipsis)

I balance on the edge of that they call my lyric mind
and leave the bloody, cloven steps of razor’s walk behind.
Depression squeals, the choked muse reels and all I’ve wrought is thought.

We watch the flame the candle makes, but no one sees the wick.
The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick.
Nous runs amain, it flees the pain and all I write is naught.

What is this fear of showing self, of giving self away?
Mechanical I demonstrate and all I have to say.
I tell a tale and all bewail, but naught of poignant phrase.

It’s only drink can help- my poesy rings of kitten’s mewls
and drink is coldly transient, the crutch of Jester’s fools.
I do not share and will not dare until I cease my days

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Written...I know the feelings all too well...is ellipsis another form of structure in poetry? I know..I am a very bad protege....rebelling structure like I do...but I am trying

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

an ellipsis is that collection of little dots. Tell me why I used the word instead of the ellipsis itself.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

here is needed to show that the title is quoted, but as you have capitalized the first letters in the title then it's better to leave out the ellipsis(...),right?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Has an end. An ellipsis represents a continuation...leaves the reader hanging....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I love this type of writing with the omissions. For me it is still clear without so many words to cloud the thought,. then you just concentrate on the clarity of it all. Even though in the poem itself you talk about the things you do not wish to revile. You still give yourself away or rather how a poet might think,, at lease metaphorically speaking.
I found this to be a good lesson in writing. I truly enjoyed it.
keep teaching, your writing inspires me to write. when I read one of your poems I meditate on the comments you make to my question, I thank you for your patience.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I wish I could elevate myself beyond that and write something moving.
There is however, one place (that I know of) where the meter fails. Can you find it?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

I thought, right?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I the last stanza the second and third line seem to loose it.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

a nice dark piece of work here. It is too bad that you had to resort to:
"Nous runs amain" to make the rhyme! And I think Killer would have something to say about the part
that runs; "The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick" ~ Gee

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is what I wrote first. I rhymed to it. Blame my vocabulary.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

can be read as part of first stanza.
This reflects the humble human side of the poet.

"We watch the flame the candle makes, but no one sees the wick.
 The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick.
 Nous runs amain, it flees the pain and all I write is naught"

but this doesn't tell about you  "my poesy rings of kitten’s mewls"

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

is the single most emotional poem I have ever encountered... by Keats.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

Love the rhyme and meter! This is so clever in so many ways - this is the kind of technique I would aspire to.

You have a great talent - I will be keeping an eye on your poetry.

LOve Mand xxxx

I wish I could write emotionally like you and so many others here do.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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