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When the Dam b u r s t.

When the dam burst

And swift it came onto the parched and brittle land,
the lifting latch of turf to pour in sudden sluice,
and down the dam wall came, while cursing all
that passionless void which reigned before.
And kiss engulfed, this famished writhing land,
with dry stalks long, wrung up their tears from earth,
to join the sweetly flooding song.

So long had we waited, obeying the lack,
a thousand dry years folded in abeyance,
had deprived us, of something keenly near,
this dark and fathomless depth of water,
stretched so long before us weeping,
slow through our dam wall, just waiting,
for this thunderous quench to fall.

And now we are here, knee deep and dripping,
our old ways drenched, our sacred feet washed anew,
our faces wet with tears, our relief, defying all defeat,
for, what tragedy took, the inundation gave.

Now the river breathes once more,
the fishers swoop, the lark, the turn
of life has run in melodious flow,
the riddle jangle over rocks, and greening of banks,
and greener still the mosses,
the frieze of dried canvas land, now acquiesced
to the petrichor smell of dampened loam.

How crucial – from out the crack in sterile wall,
should come this flourishing pronouncement;
and could we know who, this kiss of life is for?
And out of that momentous breaching of grief,
we'd see such longed for sweetness released,
from all the brittle whispering, of a life we knew before.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Variation on a similar theme I visited before, but this time - it's inspired by more. *ALSO - I found a place to put that mellifluous word " petrichor" a word invented by the bloody Aussies! (CSIRO - our dept. of scientific research) - a word of Greek origin, literally a combination of stone, and blood of the gods, describing the pleasant sweet-clean aroma after rain. Marvellous. Hopefully changes are positive. See: https://theconversation.com/the-smell-of-rain-how-csiro-invented-a-new-word-39231
Editing stage: 

Comments

I could have written this.......
Is this a metaphorical event or literal? Or both? I can see the literal interpretation, but in our present times, struggle to see a metaphorical comparison.
It's a beautiful poem. Quite spell binding.
Jx

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There had been virtually no rain here since January, and the dam (which in Australian terms, would equate to a pond) on our bit of land, which is fed by gravity at the bottom paddock, it then flows in to a small creek on the property, all very pretty, but so very dry for a long time. then we had a real good couple of days rain off the back of a major rain system on the Australian mainland, and I was overjoyed to see the dam overflowing with water, the rain tanks fill, the rock hard land finally soak, and release it's "loamy" smell. Funny how, on a small island (in population terms) weather dictates the moods, and modes of the population. I observed this, with someone close to me, which informed the other influence of the poem - the people, or person, and how they flow forth , emotion breaks ranks, things happen quickly, intensely.

Sorry, overlong explanation, could have summarised: both!

Glad you enjoyed, thanks for your kind words, sweet Jane!

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

finding no quandary between the literal and the allegorical, it works at every level and is beautifully written,
a true gem.
Try as I might, and you know I try hard, I can't find anything to crit, not even a typo!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

No crit, that's going up on a glory wall! Seriously though, thank you, because in a comment on another poets work recently, you discussed a technique, which I applied in this composition - so there you go, listen, learn improve.

Thanks for the feedback, means a lot coming from you, as said before

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

as i read a few times, i sense you are exploring the symbols of the dam, holding back the sea, freeing the land with a apocalyptic breach..The dam is ancient, the event is now, this flooding of relief.. but I'm conflicted with such lines as "and who would know how far this kiss of life would fall? "

To take a think like a dam, or bridge, and make it an archetype of meaning is quite a task. Like Hart Crane's "Ode to Brooklyn Bridge". (As Crane was an extremely American poet you might not know him, i urge you to look up this poem!!) Or the monolith is 2001:space odyssey.

I have grappled with such symbols, trying to make them the "stately pleasure dome" . I think you are trying to say too much with the image..to abstract...gut feeling.

As usual your elevated and charged words and phrases continue to delight. That has become a trademark. Craftsmanship is not at issue here.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I get it, the symbols can be tricky. And yes, I have Hart Crane on my audio list, and collected works somewhere, although sometimes, I think the irony was layered on a little thick occasionally (holy cow, I can't say that!), he certainly was masterful, and had some tricks up his sleeve. I recall from first reading "To Brooklyn Bridge" - obsessively pondering over many little things, like when he uses "derricks" - to avoid the us of "crane" was that intentional? - interesting poet, and well known, even down here in the great southern land!

A dam,it must be said, doesn't hold back the sea, more a lake, or flooded valley and (colloquially) down here, holds the swell of rain, after a drought, normally in a rural/pastoral setting thus it burst forth after a tonne of rain, quite literally, and also released a torrent of emotion, quite coincidentally - which is internal to the poem.

I do have this in rough draft, and it was a first take job, so I do intend to revisit it - if not to subtract, at least to clarify.

Thanks for the kind words, regarding the crafting, it is very much appreciated coming from Eumo, especially after that wonderful piece you submitted recently.

Thanks and take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

First glad Crane has reached around the world. A great word magician, but in the American dialect, different from a Thomas or Heany. He was one of my heroes in my college days.

For a poet as accomplished as yourself the one suggestion I might offer, and with humility, is sometimes you need to live with a poem a little longer. I'm working on one now, for the last 5 days, on certain aspects of memory...every time I say it's time to post it I wait, and the next day I'm at it again, cutting, changing, scrutinizing every line. In a longer work such as the Dam poem, there are certain lines and images which you know inside are perfect. as you re-read and re-read, some lines like "our feet engulfed sacred" you might feel, as I do, is a bit of a tongue twister. etc.
I think your poem is way beyond first draft, but not quite a final draft, and then ultimately the final poem. As you are one of the elites on this site, and you are very prolific (O happy days!) I would sit on a poem like this a bit longer. Sometimes a little time gives you the strength to just cut and change things, as the emotion of writing those lines have shed their meanings.

What was Crane trying to say about the bridge? a monument to the history of dream and citydom?
It was more visionary than real. I think your poem is on the same path

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

And I can already see where the rough edges are. I will use that in my practice, and take a little more time, before bursting forth, so to speak. I have a week in Sydney away from distractions, so I might take out the pruners and polishing cloth, who was it that said, sometimes you have to "cut all your beauties" to reveal the better vision within.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

Since the tragedy, was well, unrequited pathos. But it's getting there. Yes Hart Crane is known to us, may I suggest some of my heroes in Australian verse, who are deserving, yet probably go unread in other parts of the world:

Kenneth Slessor "Five bells" - (this is a quintessential Slessor poem)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F6RUGVmhAw and here:
https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/five-bells/

Gwen Harwoord "In the Park"
https://www.poemhunter.com/best-poems/gwen-harwood/in-the-park-5/

Last, but by no means least, AD Hope "Death of a bird"
https://www.poetrylibrary.edu.au/poets/hope-a-d/the-death-of-the-bird-04...

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

One of the best free verse poems I've read since I got back....'nuff said........stan

And thanks for reading...'nuff said!

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

'Taking a little more time before
Bursting forth' so to speak
may mean that the dam burst is controlled
In future
I like the idea it burst without control
and continues to do so...

This is true, but then we channel it, funnel it, feed it to our thirsting land, we worship and recoil from its momentous flood, then we use it.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

Of course!
And I imagine in Tasmania water is precious.
So you'd use it with care.
Your poetry is amazing.. .

Making every
drop
drip
soak
So the land is
Forever fed
and rivers
flow

I think the revisions have made this a better and stronger. Very powerful imagery and symbol.
Congrats!

(the only one word I question is "tragedy"...as the dam, which held back the waters for the parched land, held back nature, held back joy and creativity; it's demise does not seem to fit that word)

Thanks for the link, and best travels in Sidney!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Oh, how I loved this poem. Literal interpretation please. It is a master work of wordcraft. It thrilled me in horror and wonder. Just beautiful. I won't get into the discussion of metaphor and such. I saw a dam explode and its aftermath on the people. I watched a movie unfold before me.
Well penned. I too have nothing of consequence to offer in aid.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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like your prose and poetry man
classic air to it throughout
edwardian and victorian detailing
fancy...in those tough times
i think we get parched with more
emotional issues
today....a leveling out
but like aridity to the soul
no release anymore
people just keep er in
till the damn bursts

back then there were rules
as complex as today
i did slug work and lived homeless
short time was front staff..
never the top salesman but i did
well...was an excellent woodstove
trouble shooter and chimney sweep
the issues beyond just a cold sale
or promotion bravado and skill were
easy....
and teamed up with those with the
hustle and verve...

i did work on the reserve when i went
back home...rodents called beavers
abound here....tried trapping them
resorted to other means....the tails
shown to the band office fetched ten
dollars....flooding control..highway
repairs....we may have ventured
off 'land' similar fashion as the
american 'sightseers' ventured to
cambodia and loas
and it was I who simply 'froze' a
beaver tail.....take it out in morning
and every other consecutive day
'show' those in charge what a good
job we were doing...no one collected
the tails....as long as it was floppy
and appeared 'fresh' non the wiser
and we bought coffee....gas..sundries
from the local sky high prices store
...the others soon started in with the
'harvest' you see dogs 'pack up'
well the two leggeds do this too
we eventually put the program to
rest....like the gov 'retires' its programs
why vets tell no stories
and only poets craft the beauty of the
features of the creature
as we can
Beautiful in this case

I love water....i dug out the traditional
wells on our reserve
no one was using them
the old caste system
a new treatment system
that eventually failed through
the progress of man
they cracked the underground
bowl of water deep in the bedrock
I tried to stress the importance of
water....I didnt want them to return
to hauling water from the open
springs....everyone wants modernity
now they truck water...
wait for funding to build mega line
from river miles away
still pending
progress is growth through trial
and error...

I also assisted my uncle in blasting
beaver dams.....i carried the dynamite
and he the caps...course we walked
some distance separate...
we used electrical line...though some
use DET cord.....a marvelous punch
of energy felt in the feet with the most
awe inspiring vertical tower of debris
and mud and water and then the
rush of the held back waters rushing
to find the levelling off....like a dark
happy mess...the stampede....

the water....rushing over the damn
that satisfaction knowing that sustenance
required to all living things is in abundance

brilliant mind Chris
my way here up on the escarpment
parellel trails...one the gas pipeline
the other the second main feeder for
electrical up on the hill
in between is the old reservoir for
something classified back in the
old days....a man made concrete
pond of considerable size...
temporary....they then removed
the south portion so only
the north portions of the U shape
remains..in the sloped bottom
of the bowl is grass and trees
a popular trail outing for hikers
and the mountian bikers and dog
walkers and wanderers
the old artifices of its duty lie
in the valleys of the old glacial
troughs...a valve box large enough
for a man to stand in...in late sixties
seventies it was a popular hang out
cement...the old drain still juts out
and in spring flows well..from
under the reservoir ruins..
in canada anything of worth gets
recycled....cast is dug up...homes
are reduced for timber..
we do not have the fondness to
leave alone the vintage like our
american cousins

I would most likely enjoy your land
i have been told by the nomads of
the world that I am a traveller
my trails I cut limbs..pull weeds
fill in wash outs with stones
one can blow up damns and build
them.....

a long comment
but I greatly understand the love
of what is established
and the respect to the skill
of the refinement
Vikings poured this into their ships
which they came across the waters
and plundered the monks stronghold
but later the great cathedrals
more ornate then the pyramids
rose
the ancestors to the romans

my city is primitive and western feel
in its simplicity..its townie feel
hollywood today was busy downtown
and our city folk moving about
accepting them...
we are a city of artists
poets.painters...photographers

waxing lyrically...

spent today hanging out with
people...something im forcing myself
to do more...and with this new
dog...forging the human contact
....
is it paying off...yes...

do I see the replenishing fresh
contact pouring over the catchment
yes..
do I appreciate my detailing...my ruin
am I the ghost host taking people on
a tour...yes...

Thank U Chris...
your writing IS the replenishment
your land sounds worthy of a visit
at least a cerebral and virtual from
this old cat..

if you keep sending me these fantastic rollicking monologues of little satoris in your great part of the world..Will catch up soon, fire burning down, and I must replenish from the wood pile out the back..

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment
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