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When a Child Gave Me Advice...

A little voice with big concern
for my sad and lonely face
She stood there waiting silent
like an angel in that place

"Hey mister, why are you crying?"
My friend has gone away
He has died and left me lonely
we have buried him today

"But sir, he's gone to heaven"
I'm sure that's where he went
for you to love him and be crying
I'm sure that's where he's sent"

"My dad was sick for months and hurting
and now he's gone away
But now, he's up and in heaven
that's what my mommy says"

"So think of him in heaven
he's not hurting anymore
I'll pray with you here mister
we'll knock on heaven's door"

And to ease her heart
I closed my eyes and bowed my head
Here is the little prayer
that this small angel said

"God, please take my daddy
and this man's best friend
keep them in your care
until we see them once again"

Somehow, this made a difference
I left her with a smile
She waved at me and shouted
"It's only for a while!"

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Didn't really happen, but I took it there, because I had a need.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

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I know, you don't believe in a heaven, or a god, but she does. What are you going to say to her? There is no such thing?
I wouldn't have the heart. Would you? ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

This pulls at the heartstrings I was nearly crying when I read it. I can't see one thing I'd change, this is an amazing entry in the competition!!

Good Luck in the competition

and Bravo on a heart-rending story beautifully told.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

that you like it. It just came straight out, with very little editing. Thank you, love and higgest bugs, Bro. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

And brought tears to my eyes- sometimes children have a way of putting things in perspective. Even though this didn't happen, I imagine such conversations have taken place between adults and children throughout time. This was absolutely beautiful! Well done.

~RoseBlack~

As I said before, this was something that just came to me as I was thinking about the challenge. I wrote this almost without stopping, with very little edit. I think that you are right, this could be a conversation that has taken place countless times. Most times, what we say to children, in hopes of soothing their emotions makes perfect sense to them, and they take what we say seriously; because as adults, we are supposed to be truthful with them. It is not until we get old enough to understand deceit, that we start questioning what we have been told. Like stories about Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and other tales. I am glad that it touched your heart, as I hope that it touches others. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Yes, children are our greatest asset, they have the future in their hands. ~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Somewhere in there I get the feeling you aren’t a believer but you placate her request for prayer. I mean, at that point it couldn’t really hurt, that’s for sure.

Super job
Tim

on the fence about what to believe. I wonder at the so-called miracles that we see every day. The prayers that are answered, the mysteries of the universe. Do we heal ourselves and others by prayer and well-wishing? If we do, what is the difference
in believing that there is an entity, a force, a presence, that rules the universe? Is it the "Force"? We are but a blip in the stream of time here on Earth. As we look farther and farther back into time with the newest of telescopes, we discover that we are millions and billions of years younger than what has come before. What are we, where did we come from, where are we going? I am more and more unsure as I consider these questions. And yes, it certainly couldn't hurt at that point. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

for your read and comment. I am ashamed that I have no better reply than that for such a wonderful judgement. A masterpiece? I am so very pleased that anyone would take this as a masterpiece. Thank you, thank you. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

Sometimes we need to listen to children because they have thoughts and feelings not yet obscured by adulthood.

When I read something such as this I tend to go back and read it again. I felt every emotion and word to a T in this one and a young child can sometimes have more common sense than an adult. (this little lady sure did) They are so inquisitive and it was great that you went along with her and what she had to say. I really like this. It touched me when she mentions about her Dad..

Great job Geezer!

I almost hate to admit, that the story is just that, a story. With all the people that have taken it for truth, it gives me no pleasure to tell you the facts. It was just an inspiration from thinking about the challenge. I played the scene in my head, and it just went according to script. As RoseBlack has said; "I can imagine that this conversation has taken place between adults and children throughout time". Yes, I think that it true. Thank you again for your read and comment. ~Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment

I read the poem and all your comments. this is a masterpiece and should be entered into the weekly contest... i fought back the urge for tears and swallowed them as I always try never to cry. I really like this poem and the way he lets the child sway him. I applaud him for his strength!

* love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

already entered into the challenges, so I never thought to enter it into the weekly contest. Anyway, too late for that now. Thanks for the read and wonderful comments. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

author comment
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