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what of a life in pain ?

I was everything
you desired me to be,
wearing rags,
scrubbing floors
I was fucked,
un-mothered
made your whore

When I look
to embrace the sun
I feel my eyes lower
in pure light I feel
my presence shunned,
my steps continue
to graduate to slow
but moving forward
I must to go

if in sleep I forget
to breathe?
please believe
I didn’t want to leave
taking your faces
in the palm
of my hands
with my feet
I'm draw your image
in times sands

my heart once whole
is an abyss of pain,
I am slipping away,
but with each gasp
I'll try to explain,
this husk
made of skin,
is brimming,
overflowing
with life’s sins

You see God
forgot he put me here
he’s not seen me in years
though his presence
"I thought” was near?
over and over I’ve been
pervaded with pain
I've raised my palms
over and over again

I am not done,
though destiny nips
at my heels,
and I'll no longer
be 'nothing'
when in this life
no forever will I feel

Right now
a cigarette stained
moon tilts my sky,
and the firmament
is ripped with stars,
So with this in my mind
I'll end with a sigh...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is very rough I am still thinking on a few lines I will get back to it when I can ... J x
Editing stage: 

Comments

I felt a tad shamed reading this. Am I correct in reading it is written from the perspective of an unloved desperate woman?

In ink,
David

yes that and so much more

Thanks for reading David

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

This write had me recalling my recent reading of Charles Bukowski

Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

That's a great compliment David I am humble in the shadow of a Great, he was ... wow ... Real ! and Gritty and in some ways open but in saying that I have always thought there is a vulnerability hidden beneath his words, My poem is very rough but its one that annoyed me until all the pieces come together it rambles around a little but it also speaks loudly the mental state of the writer, me, I have been writing very dark stuff interspaced with a moment of joy here and there, while ever I can still write with joy in my hand, I will keep on keeping on and those moments hold me until the next time, maybe that will end too maybe I will be a dark writer forever, I am also passionate so in saying that there is other things to write of but recently I've been consumed with this darkness and more than one type of pain so of course I write it out, its really, at times, all I can do and there have been many nights a nurse has put my notebook on the table over my bed lol... I suspect I will write till they take my pencil out of my cold dead hands lmao big smile

love Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

They have killers for physical pain but not that many for emotional pain. This is much more than a love her then leave her poem and I look forward to the polished version......stan

Aint that the truth, that says it all but writing helps and being here when I can helps, for couple of hours I can forget it all read and write and just be, me.

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Both smut artist, both write with grit. Though Henry is more a writer then a poet. I really recommend The Rosy Crucifixion series Sexus, Plexus, and Nexus.

I will look for them thanks for the heads up, goodnight

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

What can I say?....I am numbed...

Be well soon...

Much love n warm hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

"...a cigarette stained moon..."

What an incredible line. It is worth the whole reading.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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It is so hurtful feeling so far away, so that you cannot see.
The pained look in my eyes, at your pain.
Then the look of uselessness at not being near in a physical way.
Yet my young lady we are all around you each and every day,
We visit and can only hold the thoughts you yield, as this is a Spirit thing.
But little lady who has struggled long it is written that it wont be long before your light shines at our doors again as you write without pain, as it has for these last years.
Stay in there Jayne, and just in think, know how close we are,
Yours as always, Ian xxx

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

A masterpiece of truth expressed in art.

Joe

I also see determination, tenacity and behind it all beauty in this poem!

This is a gem from a gem! :)

LOve Mand xxxxx

Everyone else have commented and I agree with them.

when the pain bites
when the tears flow
never lose the fight
you and I know
fighters don't give up
be defiant till the end
when you fall, get up!
fight while you still can
life is a struggle
so don't you hesitate
go tell the world
i'm still here, mate
you are being tested
to be stronger
you may feel wasted
but you can be stronger
so brace your will
raise your head high
let it be your steel
that guides you tonight

Alid salutes fellow fighter

... sums it all up. what a powerful line - keep writing.

just returning to this very emotional piece. something about it makes me come back for another peek. hmmm.

Alid

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