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What it Means to Miss

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Mon, 2017-04-03 13:12

I've always thought it strange
how sadness slips in,
smooth and silent.

There is a subtle sweetness to it
as it slides across your skin
and settles around your soul.

Sometimes the sadness seems
to stir up a similar sentiment,
a sympathetic sycophant.

Longing is the label lent to this feeling.
The languid and lurid weight of it
lures you in and lies upon your lap,

loops about your limbs and locks them
into the limited locomotion
of loathsome lethargy.

Love lets the longing in,
laboring under its lewd and lecherous
levy of leaden loads.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Keith Logan

Mon, 2017-04-03 15:36

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Which you have used extensively throughout. You are fast becoming one of my favourite writers on this poetry site.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Rhiannon1010

Mon, 2017-04-03 16:01

Rhiannon1010's picture

I'm glad that you enjoyed my use of alliteration. I hope that you will continue to enjoy my work in the future.

author comment

Keith Logan

Mon, 2017-04-03 16:30

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and had not noticed the first time the use of lays where I think you may mean lies.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Rhiannon1010

Mon, 2017-04-03 16:47

Rhiannon1010's picture

Noted and corrected.
Thanks

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2017-04-03 23:20

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This is one of the best I've seen from you so far! I love alliteration and you have done a bang-up job on this one. keep them coming. ~ Geezer.
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Sparrow

Tue, 2017-04-04 04:38

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Loved your poem, though sadness to me is a lack of understanding.
Someone we have had all our lives and they suddenly go we dwell in sadness, now if we understand their lives how they affected us and all the good things then the sadness will be replaced by an unending love.
The first of my family left in 1963 and since then two brothers and two sisters and A wonderful Mother left, leaving an initial bout of sadness then their lives and what they had given during those lives swept the sadness away and there a deep love held me and a joy that I had known such people..
Yours as always Ian xx

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Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

valene

Tue, 2017-04-04 14:49

Your title caught my attention and I was immediately drawn by your first verse. Your alteration throwout is quite impressive, and as I read this piece out loud, I could feel within myself, the feeling of missing someone and how it affects a person emotionally and physically. It has nice flow to it and you stay on point till the end. I definitely find your last verse to be the perfect ending!

valene

Rhiannon1010

Wed, 2017-04-05 15:41

Rhiannon1010's picture

I'm sorry for being so late in responding. I am glad that you all have found something pleasing in this poem. My goal was to convey the sense of helpless loneliness everyone experiences at some time. Because this poem was written in the moment and inspired by raw emotions I am awake that I may have made some mistakes or that in my effort to stick to alliteration, I may have lost track of the meaning. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2017-04-11 12:17

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they would seek me out
if i was tired enough my gaurd was down
they would wander in knowing
as women do...a tour day
then..as i watched television in summer
heat...or fall or winter
throw a leg across me..
feel the heat of their thigh
upon mine
close enough they could feel
the response of the loins
I loved the strong sculpted
texture of their musculature
and mass..always it seemed
bare feet..dust of iron pyrite
glimmering in the ha\zy
atmospheres...or in
evening..sit on my lap
and slowly put the tops
of their pointed feet
around and against
my calves
their hair spilling
on my chest
blocking my view
of the telly or comp...

missing could be drug
spiritual ache
dry for the rains and tempest
storm..that release
..

notice me...i am real
comn comn touch me babe
cant u see that i am not afraid
what was that promise that
u made

when your around
cant look you in the eye
you float like an angel
skin makes me cry

desire me...want me
love me...accept me
conquer me
swoon for me
be smitten for me

and yet people are
haunted past their
thousand yard stare

im right here

all anyone wants
is to be this

i get it now
but oh that longing
sickening rush of
energy
...arcing in the ether
like a tesla coil

The Hungering

I love it

poem is awesome
cause its the most
real ive read on this
subject in years
and Ive got a few
that I run through this
with....
I GET why they feel
this way..

its the challenge
i swatted away perfection
for the broken
like lost damaged treasure
like forbidden pleasure

...

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