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What I Did That Summer... [An East Main St. story]

Submitted by Geezer on Sat, 2016-07-09 23:48

We met in the shadowed doorway
The house abandoned years ago
Tentative first kisses
Grew more daring

Couldn't wait for the early morning
Feeding on love rather than lunch
Lips bruised and tongues twisted
Fingers searching

Days of thrills exceeding expectations
Joined together at the hips
Pressed sparkles addicting
Needing more and more

She brought the blanket
I brought soda and peanut butter sandwiches
We knew then....
The promise of our love

I thought we were electrocuted
We'd died and gone to heaven
The haze of aftershock
Holding close

She's gone now
I'm going
No one remembers
Or knows but me

I won't tell...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

jane210660

Sun, 2016-07-10 08:28

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I think you've captured the passion of youth here, very well.
I like the flow, which builds up and then back down again. Appropriate really.
Enjoyed this. Jx

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Geezer

Sun, 2016-07-10 10:25

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Glad you think I got this right. I tried to make this read the way we felt that summer. She did let me know many years later, that she never forgot. She's passed away some years ago, but she lives on in that summer memory. Glad that you appreciated this one. ~ Gee.

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Esker

Wed, 2016-07-13 20:49

Esker's picture

sometimes....even if its as distance at the moon
people connect

I had many over the years
not all that great but I put in great effort
and others did for me....
but was missing something

ho Love is fickle

all my contacts said as much for me
that I was important
that I was there
when they needed
something

thats a bonus

we gave them hope
like they for us!!

continue the adventure
write of the meaning!!

thank U!

Geezer

Fri, 2016-07-15 18:30

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this had some meaning for you. I still have the memory, though she is gone. We knew that each remembered, whenever we saw each other. A small smile and a little flush...
Thanks for liking this one. ~ Gee.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2016-07-14 00:49

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Got to agree with Jane, perfect. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Geezer

Fri, 2016-07-15 18:32

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and comment Roscoe. Glad that you liked this one. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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Sparrow

Fri, 2016-07-15 03:39

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Remember it well but as I hate peanut butter our snack was more strawberry jam and thick slices of crusty bread.
Damn new teeth wont let me enjoy these things any more lol..
Great write and vivid pictures of a fading memory,
Take care out there, Yours as always Ian

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geezer

Fri, 2016-07-15 18:37

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brought that memory back for you, peanut-butter or no. I've always loved peanut-butter and jam. Now when I have some, I have that memory too!
Glad that you can relate. Thanks, ~ Gee.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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raj

Wed, 2018-04-04 15:50

Your comment in stream to the poem of blistered-pen got me here and I don't regret because it has all the frills of intimate time with someone special in your youth...

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Thu, 2018-04-05 11:43

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I am pleased that you like this one and took the time to look it up and comment. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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scribbler

Thu, 2018-04-05 14:11

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Ah the passion of youth. A lot of young people think They invented it lol......stan

Lavender

Mon, 2020-05-25 12:03

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As deep and revealing and wonderful as this poem is, your final line gets the gut - "I won't tell..." And somehow, magically you haven't. So precious!
L

Geezer

Mon, 2020-05-25 15:36

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I'm guessing that if anyone that knows me or knew her, they would guess, but I don't advertise it. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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Lavender

Thu, 2022-11-03 09:44

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I see I've read this before! Back at this later date for another, fresh read. It is innocent, romantic, and witty, sad, joyful...you've captured everything. Somehow it is so personal and private and still permits the reader to understand. I'm so glad I've read it again!
L

Geezer

Thu, 2022-11-03 13:24

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that you have enjoyed it a second time! Silly me, I didn't notice that you had commented the first time. It makes my day, to know that we have shared like experiences, and I got what you were talking about. Thanks again, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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