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In The Western Meadows (the right amount of imagery WS)

In the western meadows I lost my heart
while strolling 'round with a little sparrow
then never after found my way out.

On the pastoral lands I rolled about
and walked along where brooks would furrow.
In the western meadows I lost my heart.

I trod the rocky routes that wore the mount
and walked when raging winds went slow,
then never after found my way out.

I followed the waterfalls, to hear a shout
that prayed one day to stop the falling-show.
In the western meadows I lost my heart.

I inhaled the fresh air and let it sprout
to lovely flowers ; red, rose and yellow,
then never after found my way out.

Now, though I'm strolling back, that's just a start
to venture that beauty painted in raw
in the western meadows, where I lost my heart
then never after found my way out.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
To know more about the Villanelle, please follow the following link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle
Editing stage: 

Comments

Besides good imagery, you have given a new meaning to the words "lost heart" and why not because the scenes you have created would steal anyone's heart....well done early bird..

.let's hear what others have to to say...other than sending a search warrant for Ms. Rula's heart :) (just in light humor)

raj (sublime_ocean)

My pleasure. I am happy you thought the amount of imagery used is effective.
Yet, I am left with my wish not fulfilled :(

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Don't be grumpy, smile. I'm sure Wesley will be proud of your creation. If not this time, you can submit a co-created poem anytime....

raj (sublime_ocean)

:)... Hope you're right.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

See I was right :) Stan has formally given consent.

raj (sublime_ocean)

even without Wesley, you still did well, sis. I gotta check out Villanelle. Thanks for sharing.

Alid

for the compliment. I thought both Elizabith's Bishop's "One Art"? And "Don't go Gentle Into That Little Night" which John (Dalton) has recently introduced it to me- are really brilliant ones. Here is a direct link to a youtube. You might like to watch, listen and enjoy.

"One Art"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAiik7SKXX8

"Don't Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mRec3VbH3w

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Thanks for sharing with me the youtube links.

Alid

Thanks for sharing with me the youtube links.

Alid

I was in midst of reading this earlier when my grandson who's about 1.5 years old showed up and I guess you know how that affected my time lol. But I'm finally back. I've never written this particular form so any ideas I suggest which would mess it up should be trashed. Here goes :..... Hmmmm....it might be easier to just rewrite this entire poem with suggestions in place than for you to have to refer back and forth :
In the western meadows I lost my heart
while strolling with a tiny sparrow
then nevermore found my way out

On pastoral lands I rolled about
where rushing brooks cut their own furrow
in the western meadows where I lost my heart

I trod the rocky routes which cleaved the mount
walking when winds' raging grew slow
then nevermore found my way out

I followed water falls to hear a shout
that prayed one day to stop the falling flow
in the western meadows where I lost my heart

I exhaled and watched fog spread about
through lovely blooms: red, rose and yellow
then nevermore found my way out.

I left final stanza as is. By not putting "nevermore" in last line I think it adds emphasis if the form allows.

Hopefully the minor changes are either acceptable or at least give pause for though before they're trashed lol...........stan

Stan. Never trashed. As you said, those suggestions are very useful to draw the author attention to the flaws, as it happens to me here. Syllable count counts here. I found some syllables less. So this really needs to be revisied. I shall sure consider at least some of your suggestions. I just wished you had put your changes in brackets, so as to be easier located. But I do definetely appreciate your time and the effort.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I have a lot of trouble with poetry forms which require a certain syllable count which is one reason I attempt so few sonnets. I just can't seem to maintain a syllable count in a poem of any length without it being obvious (at least to me) that the count is important . Kudos to you and others who seem to keep count with so little apparent effort........stan

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