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Welcome to a lost friend

Breathe deep the air of forgetfulness
and savor sweet fragrances of spring
as winter makes her exit

Welcome quiet breezes blending
with the new birth of nature
when all burst forth in color,scent and sound

The world will awaken to a tender touch of rain
forming concentric circles
on a dry thirsty land

Listen as birds call to their mates
singing that they have awaited for this date
bright colors flashing from tree upon tree

Humanity awakens with a brand new fervor
cabin weary folk looking forward towards the sun
awaken world
new life has begun

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Comments

I think if I were to use the word [awaited], I would do like this: singing of this long awaited date]. Other than that, I think this is a fine poem about Spring. ~ Geezer.
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Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

thank you

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

author comment

Chrys. You brilliantly describe the birth of a new season. Your description of the joy of the birds in the springtime is such a poignant stanza within this piece.
I can't see any fault with your composition here. Well done.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Thank you. You are too kind

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

author comment

Lovely imagery here, lynn. I would cut out a few "the's", that's all.

"and savor sweet fragrances of spring"

Welcome (the) quiet breezes blending
with the (new) birth of nature

Just a couple of examples. I believe poems should be less wordy. But it's fine as is.

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"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man." T.S. Eliot, from The Wasteland.

many thanks and I took your advice and elimated almost all of them

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

author comment

wish I could agree Humanity awakens. I'm stuck at home because everything around me is closing for the virus, not to mention Trump, the geopolitical climate, the stock market, pandemics, Trump, racism, refugees, hatred, Trump, homelessness, extinction of species, mass stupidity, Trump, etc...

But sing as you must! Perhaps the poem might work a bit also in first person! That new life begins in you. For us...maybe could an inspiration in a world feeling on the edge of disasters...

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Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

But we must have some good in our lives . So why not let spring inspire us.
as you say "perhaps"

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

author comment
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