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Weekend

Submitted by YungPrinzeT on Sat, 2017-07-22 07:10

@YungPrinzeT
22/07/2017
7.44AM
*WEEKEND*

Woke me up from my bed
Is the chirps from the bird.
So I opened my window
& what I could see is the sun's glow.

Switched I on, my stereo
Which left me basking in the euphoria of the music flow
Accompanied with a sonorous melody
Therein. OmG! I love this feeling.

No thought of work. No stress
As worries go on recess.
Sipping my hot coffee
& enjoying the weather serenity spree.

Relaxing in my sofa
Nothing to suffer
As the gentle breeze
Whisper into my ear, blissful news.

Although a bachelor, I
Made me, myself & I
Pleasant delicacies. Aroma
Of which invited pals from afar.

Knock, knock.
Opened my door to see a young buck
In his hand are fork & other cutlery
& he said, 'I'm here to murder that sumptuous delicacy'

Dined & gisted
Aloud as if a pisshead
Whereas no alcohol was seen
But the expression of felicitous being.

Happy mode
Activated,
Nothing feels so good
Knowing it's weekend

I love weekends
Happy weekend Famz

Poroye Ezekiel Tobiloba (POET)
CEO, Palace of Exclusive Thoughts
[email protected]

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2017-07-22 13:20

Just to let you know...

that I've read all the rest of the poems that you have posted here on Neo. and I think that you have great promise. I know that English is not your first language and it is sometimes very hard to grasp all the subtleties, but if you keep reading the language and writing, you will master it. I thought that your choice of writing about the weekend, was great and enjoyed the little jokes about having to share your breakfast and all. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

YungPrinzeT

Sun, 2017-07-23 01:48

Thanks

Thanks so much Geezer for your comment.
I really appreciate it.
I hope you don't stop reading & commenting on my poems

author comment

Eumolpus

Sat, 2017-07-22 15:53

good use of rhyme

the poem is a song of joy. It resembles lyric in that it has a simple message, and has a physical musical sencse about it. I like most the subtle rhymes you employ.
this stanza i'm not sure of:

Knock, knock.
Opened my door to see a young buck
In his hand are fork & other cutlery
& he said, 'I'm here to murder that sumptuous delicacy

It is a bit strained as far as the meter, not sure what a "young buck" is, and "murder" is a very strong word for what I think is what he is going to do...eat your food.

Keep writing. Try to incorporate metaphor (like, or as) and perhaps a little word play would help color the poem. Connecting words that don't fit create a magic. Hey, like the other Prince
who we lost recently, made a big hit with "Purple rain."

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

YungPrinzeT

Sat, 2017-07-22 16:56

thanks

A young buck; an adventurous,impetuous, dashing, or high-spirited YOUNG MAN. (culled from Oxford dictionary)
Murder go along with fork & cutlery.lol.
like he came to finish my food.
sorry 'murder your food' is a slang we use when I was in secondary school.

author comment

Eumolpus

Sat, 2017-07-22 23:43