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We are sacred land

Come here
I will not bite
well, I might
but I will only bite what needs biting
the skin you wear that needs to be shred, that needs to bleed
so it can know what healing feels like
it feels like coming alive
like a river flowing

Let me touch you like a flowing river
so we may remember what it feels like
to be alive
I will dip my toes first
into your mind
play with it and splash the world
with the colours that result
from our togetherness
then
I will get familiar with your currents
and step in, stepping on riverbed stones
in your waters, until I am in
to my waist
now as the metaphor goes
my life force is inside this interaction
and it is now that I
make love to your heart
and get to feel your currents
the ones that run your flow
but I know there is a deeper way to go
and I gather all of my breath
fill up not my lungs but my heart and I
jump in
head first
for I was made for the depths
and now you are my guidance
for this is your home
and if I am to be here
I will respect the swings of your waters
the moods of your soul
for this here is sacred space

Yes
we should all feel each other slowly
as we would mother Nature
with deep reverence for life
for the sacredness of all this
that envelops us whole
and breathes deep within
with an intelligence we do not know
down the riverbeds
beneath the skin
where the air does not reach and it is all a virgin forest
populated with fears, blood, tears
and hopes, desires and loves that we have lived

It should all be
sacred land
and we should feel each other softly
as we would mother Nature

So if I bite
it is only to rustle your leaves
for you to know that I am here
and open for me like a virgin forest
and let me see you
and I would love you
to bite me in return
so we may taste the fragrance
of the life blood in our veins
and of everything else sacred
the nature that rules unseen

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

And I do like so many of the images and ideas. It reminds me a a bit of the young Joni Mitchell (all I want) if you are familiar. It makes me feel like I wish I were young again with those wonderful feelings of completion in love.
You have used a few commas and I personally am on the "all or nothing " side of punctuation. I believe the poem would be better served with it as that is one of the few tools we have as poets.
Thanks for dipping your toes into my mind, too

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Eumolpus,
I'm glad I could be of service to your mind and splash some images around. This poem is really about the desire to fully explore another human being, infinite as each of us are - an invitation to open up and remember what real connection feels like. I've always had mixed feelings about the commas, as they can end up stretching the breaks between lines longer than necessary - perhaps I should play around with them more.

I'm stunned by the lines in your signature, never read them before. The secret we keep learning is to let the world teach us, and let go of control.

Thank you for your response.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

it reminds me of a painter that takes out a blank canvas. In it he uses all sorts of paint to demonstrate his love for his craft. Colorization throughout his experience leaving the outcome to his adoring fans. Such as rapping or poetry same illustration is initiated to demonstrate the glory of his craft

Mario Vitale

That is a wonderful observation, and true - thank you for sharing!

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

A bold and unashamed start, passionate and vibrant. There is a poetry that can marry landscape and love poetry, the sinews of hills, with those of a bodily passion. This is a great exploratory toe in, waist in, neck deep in the water Steph. Not at all afraid, and an obvious affiliation with, and love for nature.

Off to a great start!

Thanks for submitting.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Chris, thank you for the sincere appreciation. Yes, the love for nature - it's what I come back to all the time, and my hope is that those who read me get to remember the beauty of it all, and have their senses... tickled awake! :)

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

It reminds me of how quickly we lose our curiosities in life. How we think we have experienced it all and lose the joy of creating pleasures from our routines.

Isn't that the truth? And yet we're all "guilty" of doing it. This analogy between soul exploration and nature re-animates the wonders we have forgotten about each other - thank you for the insight.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

it feels like coming alive,
like a river flowing.
i like this line the most,because it's remind me of something.thanks for the wonderful poem.

I am glad it opened something in you. I'm sure the memory was of service.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

tomorrow's world rests on their shoulders
I can now hardly carry a cup of coffee
without spilling it...

This is your second poetic piece I have tried to digest
mainly coz you are also a Free Verse poet
and about poetry that's all I know..

Secondly the reality and truth that we as humans are and must be exposed to is
love at first sight
in the early morning twilight
which is different
to the love one can imagine
at the twilight after the sun has set...

Romance, lust and love
are three pivots
about which we all humans revolve to survive
and
that's not only my surmise
but my life's experienced prize

So I share with all...

Only one point more ...I am glad you don't capitalize all first letters
that's compy's need not poetry's
and
...and bleed!!!....
wouldn't you think 'bled' would be a better substitute...
May just examine impartially
may be it's me only
on a reread maybe
'shred to bleed'....perhaps

your second poetry
simply fans me

Skipped your comment on this one by pure forgetting! I think it is admirable that you write poetry, and make this effort to keep up to date with where it is and where it's going...

On capitalising first letters... isn't it that the lines and the voice flow more easily and have more momentum when not intimidated by capitalised letters? That's my view.

About the 'shred and bleed'... this line seems not to read right, when what I mean is "need to be shred, needs to bleed". But this is good criticism, and I do appreciate it.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

my boss and many others here say
post less
comment more
then only will folks return the favour

I never criticize
I only apprise ...it's the poets poem what/who am I to say
as interference
thanx

- it's the poet's poem, and the same goes for your work. I believe the only critique should have to do with grammar maybe, and suggestions for improving the voice that comes through, for making it stronger. And yes, we are here to comment, to see each other as poets and humans... this is my first interaction with a poetry community, and so far I am loving it :)

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

I love your work I feel you are an inspiration to me.
Love how you wrote about the river and went into details.
Very beautiful presented piece your are a great poetess.

Mario Vitale

Mario,

Thank you for the review. I feel humbled. I am glad I could inspire in in any way.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

u 2 skipped me Steph

I would only suggest less use of the (and) word, other than that i enjoyed reading this piece. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet, Love Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thank you, Roscoe, for the kind welcome. It's true I have a love for using 'and' a lot as I feel it conveys the inner drive to tell something - will try to see if it might be too much sometimes.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

A lovely write and it flowed as the rivers of life.
The sentence:- the skin you wear that needs to be shred and bleed..
If the shred is correct, then the bleed must be BLED, its English again..
Take care and keep writing,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Ian, thank you for your review. The reason it's BLEED is because I am using the verb - "the skin that needs to be shred, that needs to bleed". For some reason it doesn't come across right, you are the second one who made this observation. Is the sentence structure not okay?

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

The skin needs to be "shredded" to bleed.

the skin you wear that needs to be shred and bleed.

There is no way this can be OK with both the words you have used, one is present tense, the other is past.
though shred can be either doing or done, but not in the way you have written..
I would just edit the line to your liking.
Can't think of anything else to say about it lol.
Yours, Sparrow.

the skin you wear needs to be shred then bled

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Well, thank you - that clears it for me. Changed the line.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

author comment

Not to worry there are many here that will talk about editing, and you are lucky that quite a few left comments.
Keep writing young lady we will all walk the same pathway but see things from differing angles as is life.
Yours as always, Ian .x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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