Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A WAY OUT

Submitted by tyro on Sat, 2024-05-25 09:55

The night is solid black,
there is but one star out,
the moon a thin sliver.

And a sudden fear strikes me,
Which can happen if lost
in the middle of a black forest,

where you could not see the trees,
with barely enough light to see
beyond your outstretched arm.

So, we huddle closely together,
our souls burning like a light tower
against this, scary, too silent night.

We hold our vigil, share our heat,
the way fires can combine as one,
We await the saving light of day.

We await haven’s eye to open
and spotlight two huddled
before the splendid rays of god.

Last few words:

I've been tasked to rewrite Rula's poem, a way out, by adding images. I took a lot of liberties with the poem, in order to build a clear narrative on which to work.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-05-25 16:00

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

paleoray

Sat, 2024-05-25 10:14

filled with nature-final days metaphors. I like your last stanza the most which describes the final journey passage to Heaven. I would however capitalize the last word - "God."
Thank you for this fine post.

Rula

Sat, 2024-05-25 12:09

Hello dearTyro

Nice imagery added all through, I v. much like it though you took it to a very different direction.
Still I appreciate your effort and what you did.
Great job indeed.
P.s I think line two in s. 2 you mean (happen)?
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤