Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

WAXING MOON on WANING SNOW (edit)

On this cold clear winter night
when three quarter moon holds sway
and casts on all a bluish light
almost as strong as break of day

Out in a terraced open field
uncovered patches now are seen
for the snow's begun to yield
uncovering the clover's green

Trees, unlike when they had leaf
as entities in the forest stand
by white they're given sharp relief
like marchers in a jumbled band

Gazing back toward open places
deer outlined by the contrast
until they step to barer spaces
into which they vanish really fast

But there upon a nearby hill
a cheerful home's windows, aglow
bidding me to return, still
I'll wait a spell before I go

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

thanks for the correction on bluish which my spell check didn't catch. I guess the 4th line in 4th verse may be unclear. Line means to describe how the deer blend into the areas uncovered by snow when they pass out of areas which are still covered. I may indeed need to work on it some more lol. Always good to hear from you.................stan

author comment

Peaceful, quiet, beautiful in the blue light. You have captured a moment, a commune with nature - one of those times when you just want to tarry awhile.

Another excellent poem Stan

Very well descriped

Love Mand xxxxxx

I am glad you enjoyed this observation..............stan

author comment

thank you................stan

author comment

You are the second to comment on that line.I'll try to rework it and still maintain its meaning of deer vanishing into the background of uncovered areas as they pass out of snow covered areas.Just be sure that when you're taken you get brought back lol.........stan

author comment

No need to beat me with a skillet lol.I rewrote entire stanza, see if you think it might read better now............stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.