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Watcher... (by: eddy styx)

Watcher...
by: eddy styx

awakening in her attic
having spent the night up there,
watching her perform ablutions
in the light of a lantern's glare.

then she picked up the brush
to apply to her long crimson hair.
'twas then that I knew she alone
would for now and always, be my lady fair.

her alabaster skin, pale as moon glow,
begged for tenderness and kissing.
long slender arms and legs and
her body, not for the missing

it seems redheads are my fascination
it must be the way the light falls
it truly takes my breath away
its lovely hue, totally enthralls.

perfect is she, a statue of a woman
forever to remain my heart's ideal
I won't ever speak her name but once
ever more my affection to conceal.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
eddy styx is my MALE, murderous alter ego who writes dark poetry.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

like the dark diary of a madman. A murderous fiend who has a penchant for alabaster skin and red hair; the more scarlet the better! He loves the contrast of her skin and the hair [it serves as pseudo-blood] and he is romantically inclined toward her.
A complicated man! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

you are very astute, I like that in a reader! could you explain to our mutual friend, about "personal styles" I only use a Cap on the word "I" I think it might be believable coming from you? I'm known for run-on sentences too, lol!

ever, eddy

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author comment

a little bit clearer now, where eddy gets his rage and personal style from. Having been the victim of his mother and sisters, who tormented him all during his teenage years, he so wished that he could destroy them, that when frustrated by the accident that took their lives, he became the terror he is. Redheads with white skin resembling the female classmate who pointed out his erection in the middle of class... Well, we know how that turned out! Killer is also a frustrated youth who never
matured past his teenage years, when his father killed his mother and little brother. I guess that love and the rejection of one's
emotional needs cause more carnage than might be observed at first glance. You might like a poem that I wrote about just such a thing, called "Explosion" ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

When in the last line
of a stanza
you use a full stop.
Then pardon me
the first letter
of the new para
must be a capital.

Agree will ye
If so then brief
Eddy

you are absolutely right. that would be the rule for normal folk. but I am a monster...I don't follow the normal rules. Cat thanks you for reading my poem. I thank you, too.

ever, eddy styx

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

It is nice to see such a creative piece early in the week.

Is Eddy Styx your alter ego>. he seems definitely male in this piece.

I would only add that S3, L4 seems a bit clumsy to me. Perhaps some other phrase at the end of that line would work better.
"eminates an ardor for lovemaking" or something like that.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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yes I am Cat's Male alter ego. you are right. thanks for reading and commenting I need to work on the poem. I will do so soon.

ever, eddy

p.s.
I am the dark side, I put my rage on the page!

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And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

need to then accept it cee my comment again failed me
i too don't follow punctuations i leave to oldys breathing ability
Cats alter -ego

thank you. I enjoy your poems they are opposite from mine ;)

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

two minds is but natural. i am just a simple off the cuff poet you are majestic Cats thanks

you are beautiful!

ever, eddy

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Yet again another Eddy piece that captures the reader & allows them to envelope themselves in your descriptive wordplay & his desires.

I read the comments & obviously went straight to S3 L4 to see what clumsy wording you had used but I failed to see it. I felt all lines kept to the theme in style & approach. I guess we all see things differently as we read but for me, & my opinion only, it all read pefectly well & gave me the satisfaction that I'm sure eddy got as he captured another soul for his collection.

I did laugh that Eddy is being reprimanded for his grammar! Red rag to a Devil!!! LOL!

Nice!

Regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

it is probably because I changed the line!! I'd have to check the poems history to tell you what the original line was, lol. I'm glad this worked. thank you for your help and critique. it is so very good to see you writing again...keep it up!

ever, eddy
*hugs, Sis

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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