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The Watcher

Are you my guardian angel,
looking over my shoulder
every now and then,
reading,
watching,
paying close attention,
all in silence?

Are you the wind that blows
round me when I cry,
are those your fingers
rubbing on my skin,
and is that whistling sound
your breathing?

Are you just my frantic mind;
the usual visions
of solitude; ghosts
that come to lie by me
at night, never speaking,
only staring?

Are you reading
as I write?

I must be talking to myself,
or that portrait on the wall.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I wish you over rule the compy
and avoid too many question marks
that's laps tops requirement
not poetry's .com

secondly
if we read the first unread poetry quickly
there will be none waiting
inside a blocked pipe

and by the way
this is the fourth one
i have read today

loved

I nearly felt the questions were too many...but the point of this poem was the secrecy, mystery and questioning. I cut them down from an earlier draft.
You're doing a good job reading the unread poems...I only don't want to think you just read this because it hasn't been read yet. It will make me happier if something in the preview compelled you to read.

Thanks for your critique!
.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I wanted to be the first one to read it
and then the question of question marks came to my mind
so i vomited

loved

Okay

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

Two tiny things if I may
1. I've been taught not to pause with a comma before"and"
and if this were mine ( I just wish I had written this) I would drop the last two lines to
keep something for the reader to ponder who could that watcher be.
Just an opinion, but this is really good.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I often violate, Rula. I see you've mentioned this before.

Wesley reminded me that I can be lax on some of the rules of English grammar. This was during his workshop on Storytelling in Verse, when he cleverly broke many rules of conjunctions in one sentence. In my poetry, I use commas to force a pause. That's why you're likely to see them often, even when they may not be required. I use them to (hopefully) guide the reader to read the poem just as I would.

I spent most of my time composing on the last two lines. My earlier ones were really terrible, so this is the best I could manage...but your questioning it raises something interesting. There were two reasons that forced me to keep such conclusions. First, I didn't want every stanza of the poem to be a question. Second, I badly wanted to use the image of a "portrait on the wall".

To be honest, I like the couplet but I liked the poem better without them. :-/

Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions!

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

Thanks for telling me about violating the comma thing. Appreciate the free lesson :)

and I understand the feeling when sometimes some words or statements force themselves, but I am sure you can make the right decision when you revisit after a few days.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

There are many things we see without knowing what they are and there are unexplained things that we are aware of.
In the world of Spirit all things are possible and I think that your write on this is great, that you are aware is good,
They will never leave you, they are yours always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I wish this one will come alive and speak once more

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

A nice soliloquy expressing the state of mind...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you Raj :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

This poem pulls you right in from the very first line, and smacks you in the face with its sincerity and logic! It was a joy to read this, and no doubt I shall be re-reading it again and again over the next few days! Bravo!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

quite a juggling trick with the questions here. I can't offer much more than that I enjoyed it and to punish you for sins from a previous life by offering you my reading of it.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0t7yoK4cpnE

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Another reading! I love it, even better than on "Change"

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

40 years of smoking has done wonders for my voice, I used to sound like a cross between Donald Duck and a Bumble Bee

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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