Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

warning

swings and dodgems, children's' slides
brightly painted waltzing rides
one minute I embrace the sky!
the next I scream that I will drown
as we plunge -
down!
so be careful where you take me, love
candy floss and rubber snakes
false jewels and coloured paste
roundabouts can nauseate
and I would rather find my place
feet firmly -

on the ground

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is the second poem I have read today that has polar bears and the second with fairground rides ... I promise never to take you to the show lol to be honest I like big theme parks love the rollercoaster havent been for many years dont know how I would handle it these days the old bones might rattle a little

I liked the revisions I checked the tab and I like Eph's suggestions they were spot on

Jayne-Chloe xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.