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War Torn

(Re-submission, was posted just around the time of Neopoet's website crash)

Feeding her baby
she kisses her good night
thanking the Lord for his blessings
then watches the Moon
from her cold bed
longing for the kisses of her Love

Somewhere in those stars
her knight lies prone
shorn of their love in its bud
bathing her in warmth
with his cascading light
playing on her probing fingers

She dreams of her knight
singing lullabies
stroking their baby to sleep
waking up in joy
to see her toothsie smile
teething on his medal like rings

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think I actually recall this from the old site. I reckon that says a good bit in the way of comment..........stan

You are right Stan. That's what I have said in the top line in parenthesis

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

delete

loved

delete

loved

I think I read this one way back when, it struck a chord when I read it, its a thoroughly good piece about how war tears loved ones apart and the feelings and emotions that they go through in the process

wonderful poem

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thanks Jayne for taking the time and leaving an encouraging comment, much appreciated..

hugs

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

this piece is about loved ones during war. not as dark as some of the other poems that I have read which share the same theme but it is just as beautiful.It is also a poem about a mother's love, hope and longing.

Well done

Alid

Thank you for the read and comment. You read the intent absolutely right. Your thoughts are appreciated..

regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you're welcome

Alid

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