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Wanting Love Forever.

Submitted by Timbo on Fri, 2011-01-28 10:46

Some people stay together, some don’t even try
some just don’t know how to, some just don’t see why.
They don’t believe in love, for someone broke their hearts
now they say goodbye to love, before it even starts.

But we believe in Forever, loving like we do
giving love to each other, in the things we do.
Caring about each other, more than just ourselves
hands and hearts together, wanting love forever.

They wonder how we feel this way, after all the years
still in love with each other, with more laughter than tears.
They find it hard, to believe, we can be this way
maybe they just never had, a love that came to stay.

But we believe in Forever, loving like we do
giving love to each other, in the things we do.
Caring about each other, more than just ourselves
hands and hearts together, wanting love forever.

Perhaps if they found someone, who’d mend a broken heart
that very special someone, then they would never part.
They would be loved by someone, for more than just a day
then maybe too they would know, a love that came to stay.

And they’d believe in Forever, nothing else would do
giving love to each other, in the things they do.
Caring about each other, more than just themselves
hands and hearts together, wanting love forever.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Timbo

Sat, 2011-01-29 05:12

Timbo's picture

I'm very flattered by your highly encouraging comments Ian. I had reworked on the length of some lines, based on previous advice on other poems from your good self and some others.
thank you,
Tim

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Timbo

Sat, 2011-01-29 16:19

Timbo's picture

thank you Ian, will do,
Tim

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mand

Sat, 2011-01-29 05:49

mand's picture
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Your a wonderful romantic.

I love your style and your poems. Keep writing.

Love Mand xxxxxx

Timbo

Sat, 2011-01-29 16:20

Timbo's picture

Thank you Mand, I really appreciate your feedbacks,
Tim

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Timbo

Sun, 2011-01-30 06:19

Timbo's picture

You do give me some lovely comments Shirl! Actually this wasn't for my daughter, it was inspired by the people I worked with at one time. They where a mixture of men and women and a number of them had previously had broken relationships and they were now on their own. The guys had become anti- women and girls the same about men and I was constantly going on about all women were not the same and neither were all men! As me and my wife could testify.
Mind you one of the guys was a bit of a love rat!
many thanks,
take care,
Tim

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scribbler

Sat, 2011-01-29 23:44

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It is so sad to sometimes hear someone who is engaged say" If it doesn't work out, we can always divorce. " I really enjoyed this but have a few ideas you could try out :
L-2 change 2nd "just" to merely to avoid close repetition
L-5 and 13 Try....switching forever and loving for better flow
L-7 and 15 try still in love with one another for same reason
L-331 tell me to mind own business as poem IS very good as is lol.................scribbler

Timbo

Sun, 2011-01-30 06:24

Timbo's picture

thanks Scribbler, always willing to listen to new ideas mate, thanks for the feedback
Tim

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