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Walk on sand

On turquoise background
shadows of clouds,
              dark blue ink.

Colonies of algae,
pictographic tangle
words of absent minded 
lines and rings.

Oceanic liner
lost in the horizon.
Moon semitransparent 
           melting gold.

Gliding in and out
of uplifting current
        birds and children's voices 
                 cut through wind.

Firm and grainy surface.
   Sand  and salty flotsam.
     It is simply awesome
 to splay my toes on sand.

Gladness in the air.
 Heart and soul  are bare.
  Mind unclad.

Life is light as feather
left by gulls.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 


captures the joy of a simple act of walking on the beach. (typo on cut THROUGH wind)
The last line reminiscent of the great title, if not great book , The Incredible Lightness of Being.

Nice use of sounds, such as

pictographic tangle
words of absent minded
lines and rings.

I wasn't sure about the word dwindle- "to become smaller and smaller; shrink; waste away" I think we might consider a different adjective to better close the poem with the lovely image of life as light as a feather.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Hello Eumolpus,
Dwindling is also decrease in number.
Imagine the flock moving away from you.
That is where I am going with it.


author comment

it makes my mind dwindle
as I wonder
how far we seem
to be
awesome poetry
lady Irene

What does dwindling mean to you?
I am concerned that the word use is not ideal


author comment

Dwindling is also
decrease in
my understanding
of poetry

Hello my dear,
Your presense here is important to many
As a poet and a reader,
don't make diminishing remarks about yourself ever,
the way you say it hurts my heart and ears.
Don't worry about what people might think
or where you stand on infinite ladder
passing people by or being passed by
shouldn't matter.
The only thing counts is the joy of reading
and the writing effort.


author comment

Irene I endear
coz I ain't much of a poet
but on many sites so many many many read me daily
one can't believe it

this site makes one feel lonely
How happy I am to see one like ye
I compose poetry freely
free verse only
as you can see
having read me

as light as the feather
in a gull's eye.

it always amazes
the effect line shifting
can have on reading.

nice write iz


Hello, my dear. Thank you for reading.
Sweet of you to step by and comment.
I posted the poem and then saw the sad news.
Sorry about your loss. Had you been in touch with the deceased often?


author comment

i've no idea of whom you speak! x


good for you then, it is on the main homepage of Neopoet


author comment
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