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WAKING RHYME (final revision)

I didn't sleep again today, it sucks
but that is my usual insomniac way
running, drugs, bad books don't aid
it doesn't help to run away,
I've considered a blade.

I'll get up and walk around, even run
for no productive purpose i can see
my general premise isn't a sound one
but I'll be the best that I can be

so wash and eat, the basics help
even if it seems inept to do
I ask you, seriously?
what would you do?

This poem was a woeful whinge, it's true
but to write is better than to slit
which if things don't get better soon
it might come down to it.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Not happy with this. I might try again later.
Editing stage: 

Comments

My brother once told me while he was losing his battle with cancer that he was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yet he battled on even so. Your edit conveys a similar resignation along with defiant resolve. As to the rhyme pattern you cheated a bit by using 5 lines in first stanza (that will be for later shop) but other than that the mid poem change in pattern really kept SS from being established. Well done.................stan

Can't call you a cheater as you've only done it on the first stanza.
Why don't you try the good books , they may help.:)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

you know, like Stephen Robbins, and they do help, though the relentlessness cheerfulness shits me to tears

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
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author comment

This poem speaks of hope lost until the last stanza

made me worry for you tbh .... the poem does its best
drawing the reader in so not a total loss

its nice to read everyone again ive missed that spark
that gets the mind and inspiration going

cheers JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I don't have to remind you.
Monkey.
I'll be ok, just physical health problems have exacerbated mental health issues lately.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and they lived! amazing larger then life
in the myth

I myself have considered it when the depression
comes down off the rabid highs
the complete creative storm gone
including will and hope or faith

they say thats when you find faith
not until that time
sometimes

sometimes you get it when you have
it all the rolex the accura the trophy wife
I wouldnt know

I value myself though
I start there
like my poetry
which is a part of who Iam

even H Thomspon turned to the American
way with his gun
Burroughs just shot his woman
and with his wealth got away with it

Keep writing
write about pain
nothing like being knackered
and done
to bring out the blues

some of the greatest music
came from the blues
compassionate songs
about Love

Sid slew Nancy

on and on it goes

I just wake up keep going
and continue to write

hope is there
it just has to be found

much good much bad,
your comment reminded me of myself,
thank you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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