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Wake up call

Submitted by IRiz on Sun, 2018-02-25 20:20

Birthday.
Every year
white flowers.

Am I
dreaming? I
can't be that happy !

Phone rings.
Now I know.
My life is real.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Sun, 2018-02-25 20:45

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

The dread that comes with every birthday, then a moment where you forget life's troubles...only to be brought back to reality.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

IRiz

Sun, 2018-02-25 23:53

IRiz's picture
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Actually, I like birthdays and usually feel so happy that can't not believe that I am not dreaming, but this time I had some news and realized that my life is not a dream but a real thing with pain.

IRiz

author comment

raj

Mon, 2018-02-26 03:38

The two comments by Carrie and IRiz are testimony of how the reader perceives the words differently which is one of the expected outcomes I think of a good Sunku...

raj (sublime_ocean)

chevyvent

Mon, 2018-02-26 18:50

chevyvent's picture

Was encouraged to read this piece three times slowly. You have masterful words puts a smile on my face very real & emotional. The line about can't be happy is so very real and true. I'm a fan of yours and wish you the best of luck in your writings.

Mario Vitale

weirdelf

Mon, 2018-02-26 23:02

weirdelf's picture
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https://vocaroo.com/i/s0ZBI3GplmfJ

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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