Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Waiting rooms prolong the gloom of impending doom

Submitted by aeron maccloud on Tue, 2018-03-20 09:01

It’s certain to be cancer,
or something I ate,
perhaps the undigested bile
of someone I hate

Mostly it’s the Nazi gnome
his domain his practice
he assumes godlike power
by the hour
demeanour sour.
He treats you like a slacker liar
but I’ve got better things to take
than his unearned ire.

I’m gonna get the prick,
I know where he parks his wheeled penis
slashed tyres and a brake fluid paint job
may just make him consider this

Don’t fuck with me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Doctors treat our time with contempt while they charge zillions a minute.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

fink555

Sat, 2018-03-24 18:08

fink555's picture

This is definitely expressive. Strong stuff, here.

aeron maccloud

Tue, 2018-03-27 17:07

aeron maccloud's picture

That was the aim.

Aeron
If poetry doesn't change anything it isn't anything.

author comment

aeron maccloud

Mon, 2018-04-09 13:10

aeron maccloud's picture

Haven't you ever felt like taking revenge on the arrogant way most doctors treat us? Not just our bodies but making us wait at least half an hour past appointment time.
Healer, heal thy ego.

Aeron
If poetry doesn't change anything it isn't anything.

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2018-03-28 10:16

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

your rant and the way that you put it together. No real criticisms other than the generalization of doctors and their attitude. But that should be left out of any critique about your work. ~ Geezer..
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

aeron maccloud

Mon, 2018-04-09 13:12

aeron maccloud's picture

To me what I say is as important as how I say it. Like it says in my signature.
If you disagree with me say so and why.
I'm open to other people's thoughts and to squashing them like bugs in an argument!

Aeron
If poetry doesn't change anything it isn't anything.

author comment

valene

Wed, 2018-03-28 10:36

i'll pull your strings,
you'll bury things
and treasure me the map.
x marks the spot
where you will rot
and I turn on the tap,

cheers!

Best wishes....val.

aeron maccloud

Mon, 2018-04-09 13:18

aeron maccloud's picture

are booby traps
snap snap snap
It's you'll be decomposing
while I'm composing
a tribute to your works and wit
which I will check out
forthwith.

Aeron
If poetry doesn't change anything it isn't anything.

author comment

valene

Tue, 2018-04-10 22:22

methinks this poem you penned
should be sent to a doctor i know
the one who was running way late
causing me too long of a wait
waiting is something i hate.....
so, i left!

weirdelf

Thu, 2018-04-12 00:11

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Have you ever thought of counter-billing? Send the doctor an invoice for your time wasted in the waiting room, and charge it at their hourly rate.
I've done it, with and without strong language and graphic threats of violence, never received a response but it may make them think a bit.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.