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Waiting To Be Healed

Submitted by alidzain on Sat, 2016-07-16 13:04

So many lies have formed
the cracks in my heart.
Inside, my soul is really torn
and I'm forever scarred.

Betrayed, my dreams have died
I'm bleeding hopes of yesterday
that charlatans have casually denied
with words that poisoned my day.

but I know the grim faces on the sky
doesn't always mean it will rain.
Sometimes they're just passing by
before the sun returns again.

For even the darkest night will end
and so will be, this terrible pain,
I let the reign of time to heal and mend
while I calmed myself and remain sane.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Mon, 2016-07-18 06:22

Esker's picture

without my hardships
at fifty three where would
I be.....not all suffer
and not all feel
too the great points of
the compass either
the more some walk too
the edge the view tilts
breaks that never mended
I have these...
questions of which there
will never be an answer
here but I keep going over
them all the time

and indeed...sometimes
it does not rain
others with eye issues
and sensitive skin disorders
can only go outside at
night...

physics...everything is
energy...even emotional
energy
but we are alive organisms
healing..surviving
otherwise we would
blithely go sailing off a
cliff....or feed lions over
the wall in the zoo
join every cult and
march too every whim
of a madman and
be extinct...
our species was
given intelligence
the ability to think
ponder...examine
rational and freedom
to be extinct
and yet most survive
the emotional workings
are the most complex
to get that strength
and flexibility too
be a tool with an
edge
then a mere dull
soft fool
because we are more
then this!
our value is greater
with being worked
wheat must be worked
by threshing
corn must be made
palpable from storage
by grist

a very intensive inner
thought on inner
ache

thank U!

alidzain

Mon, 2016-07-18 18:19

alidzain's picture

Esker.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Mon, 2016-07-18 19:19

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

A write of pain,
there in the beauty of the dawn I saw a man cry,
Was he crying from the eternal pain,
Or from the beauty that stroked his eyes.
I feel for you young traveller and one day you will know.
There are many that watch the sunrise,
yet never feel that they have another day to wander.
Grand write a little morbid for me but we must endure.
Yours as always Ian..
PS:- I will send you healing, but it is you that must become aware of the healing energy that is around you and it is free..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Mon, 2016-07-18 20:47

alidzain's picture

its another fiction in poetry. I don't have a girlfriend or a lover. Just don't have the time for it. Come this saturday, 've beeninvited to poetry events again and the malay poet society will have a discussion on how we could helppreserve ourculture and tradition as well as introduce it to our malay youths. I'll be going onstage again. Busy, busy,busy but I'm happy to contribute all I could. By the way, how's Jayne? I'm also missing Rula... Please send my warmest regards to our Jayne.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Tue, 2016-07-19 04:01

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

It would be great if you could try and establish international writing in the young ones of your country, this could be run by a small part of the education facility.
To encourage children to mix with other nations on that level.
Maybe it would be a first in the world, poetry and stories always bring people together.
If you have the stage then tell them, of the people you meet each day, and where they are this would expand itself, as the children would be talking to many countries on a common level..
Thanks for you continuous support, and good luck with your meeting there is a reason for your poetry let it join nations of children in a good bond,
Yours as always, Ian..
Alid I have my own site on the net it is :- yentu.co.uk
If there is anything you wish to use on that site be my guest.
Go well my friend..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Tue, 2016-07-19 07:23

alidzain's picture

thanks for the offer. I'll think about it. Right now I'm feeling too high to think properly after learning that I am one of the finalist in my country's National Poetry Competition 2016 in the malay category.lol, It's been a long journey to attain this dream.To me.it doesn't matter if I win, just being a finalist is already an acknowledgement. I'm happy that all my hard works and my passion finally pays off.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Tue, 2016-07-19 19:13

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

She sends her love, and says that she will try and join us here as soon as.
Take care talk soon, Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Tue, 2016-07-19 20:23

alidzain's picture

Ian

Alid

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2016-07-21 11:23

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

is join the next meter workshop.
This poem would be so much stronger with even freeform meter.

I am girding up my loins to start that workshop, it is the hardest thing I've ever tried to teach online because even regional differences in accent and dialect change the metrical pronunciation of words.

Read it aloud to yourself, better still record it and play it back and listen for "flow". Here is my reading. Meter is and always will be far more effective than rhyme or any other prosodic device.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/waiting-to-be-healed-by

It is very good. May I have your permission to post the recording on Facebook?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

alidzain

Thu, 2016-07-21 12:21

alidzain's picture

Sure. Go ahead and post it there.

Alid

author comment
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